Disclaimer: All characters belong to their respective creators. The LIAC concept belongs to Tae/Sae. Any resemblance to any persons living or dead is purely intentional. Dark flames and bird-brains will be ignored. 


By Geraldine Cheong
11th November 1999

Kazunari: Are you sure this is the place? It looks...

Hotohori: You should know better than most that looks can be deceiving.

Karasu: That's right. I know of somebody who looks very pretty. But the good looks are wasted on a person with a crappy attitude. I mean, so what if they look good but are irritating, pig-headed, tactless-

Hotohori: You're not talking about me, are you?

Karasu: Not this time, I'm not.

Kazunari: Did somebody turn you down on a date again?

Karasu: If anyone did, they'll be so much dust particles by now. Anyway, [holds up a piece of paper] This is what they told me... Count D's Petshop. Best in the world. You can get anything that you dream of there.

Kazunari: [sighs] I doubt it.

Hotohori: Who told you that?

Karasu: A very reliable source.

Hotohori: Yeah right.

Kazunari: I still think it'll be better to get Ru-chan a manga or an anime. That always cheers her up.

Karasu: I want to get her something unusual this time.

Hotohori: Point taken. Mangas and animes are what she'll expect from us... so we'll get her something else.

Kazunari: But of all things, a pet?

Karasu: It's a dream...

Kazunari: But...

Karasu: Are you with us or not? If you aren't...

Hotohori: You can go on home and spend the rest of the day with a dangerous Ru-chan...

Kazunari: Surely that's safer than buying something from Count-who-Dracula?

Karasu: Count D.

Hotohori: You saw the way she was glaring at the PC? Positively charged...

Kazunari: That's why I didn't dare to ask her for the PC to type my stories.

Hotohori: And that's why I didn't get the PC from her to play FF7.

Karasu: If we're to lead normal lives again, we have to take action.

Kazunari: But this course of  action?

Karasu: It's the best we can think of.

Hotohori: You can always go on home, nobody's forcing you to come along. We're not like some petty people who can't even hold a decent conversation without upsetting others and quarrelling with someone else in almost every meeting they are in.

Kazunari: Almost every meeting? My word, that person has a serious attitude problem.

Hotohori: Well, it can't be everybody else's fault all the time, right? That's why Ru-chan can't be bothered to bicker with her. She's too tired trying to cope with her darkroom course, her job, her Japanese exams and her 3D project all at once. Poor Ru-chan, to think she has to work with such a team member on her school project. So how about it? You with us? Or not?

Kazunari: [thinks back on Ru-chan's black look and shudders]  I'll go in with you.

Karasu: Smart decision.

Kazunari: Was Ru-chan ever this angry before?

Hotohori: Yup, be glad you weren't around...

They enter the shop.

Hakushaku: Welcome to Count D's Petshop. This is Chinatown. Here, you will be able to find everything in the world that you ever dream of, even the unimaginable... they are all collected here. I'm sure we can find something satisfactory for every customer. [insert background music and computer animation for effect]

Hakushaku pauses tape playback machine.

Hakushaku: What can I do for you?

All sweatdrops.

Hakushaku: Surely you don't expect me to repeat that like a dumb parrot everytime someone steps into the shop. It's bad for my throat. However, my grandfather made it a customary practice to say that to every customer so...

Karasu: Your grandfather?

Hakushaku: Ahh... Count D. He's currently away, collecting more exotic specimens for sale.

Hotohori: Then you are...

Hakushaku: Count D too.

Karasu: Count D 2... I see.

Hotohori: [to Kazunari and Karasu] Psst. I like the clothes this guy is wearing, very Chinese... reminds me of home.

Karasu: Dear Hoto-chan, we're here to look at pets, dreams and love, not clothes!

Hotohori: Hai hai.

Kazunari: D2-san, we're looking for a pet to cheer our owner up. A puppy or a kitten will do I guess.

Hakushaku: I see. D will do.

Karasu: NONONO!!! We want a youko.

Hotohori: You and your obsession with youkos...

Karasu: Kurama will do nicely.

Hotohori: No, Kurama will not. It doesn't mean that just because you like Kurama, Ru-chan likes Kurama too.

Karasu: [SD, in tears] But... I like Kurama!

Kazunari: We're buying something for Ru-chan, remember, not you. Or do you want to go home empty-handed and face her wrath.

Karasu shakes head sadly.

Karasu: Ru-chan's scary when she's angry. Especially when she's frustrated because she knows it's useless to talk it out with whoever the agitator is. Sano tried reasoning things with that person before and almost puked blood, guts, lungs whatever! That bird-brain is totally close-minded about other people's opinions, only sees reason in it's own uppity-up reasoning and tries to confuse everybody with all sorts of bombastic words. Repeating the same point in oh so many different words-

Hakushaku: Sounds bad.

Hotohori: You don't know the half of it. Aya and Enishi had to spend a fortune bribing the nasty salesman with cakes, chocolates, ice-cream, cookies, candies, and stuff to sell them what they've gotten for Sano, just to cheer her up so that she doesn't bite their heads off for no reason at all.

Kazunari: What did they get?

Hakushaku: A youkai.

Kazunari: Eh?

Hakushaku: Bribing the nasty salesman? I'm sure you've made a very big mistake. Me? Nasty? And that's not bribery, it's just their token of appreciation for the effort that I put into getting them their youkai.

Karasu: You got a youkai?

Hakushaku: Yes. A highly temperamental and powerful one. The Shogun of Makai. Zaldei. I believe I told them to adhere to 3 special conditions while caring for Zaldei. One, do not show him to outsiders. Two, do not let him near Rauresu, the ruler of Makai and Teteiyusu, Rauresu's loyal advisor. Three, do not let him read any Seimaden manga. Failing which, Zaldei is tantamount to wreck havoc throughout the seven seas in his frustration and rage. However, if such a situation should present itself, this shop will be absolved of all blame. The deed was signed in Yukishiro Enishi's name.

Karasu: That means you can get me a Youko Kurama?

Hakushaku: Ahh... Youko Kurama, the legendary bandit chief in Makai.


Hakushaku: It is possible, but the price is rather steep...

Karasu: I'll give you a year's supply of desserts!

Hakushaku: A year's supply of desserts?! Really? Truly, you are a great and wonderful being. I'll do my best! I'll get it for you within-

Hotohori: Wait a moment! We're supposed to be getting Ru-chan something, not getting Karasu his crush. Hakushaku, about the clothes you're wearing...

Hakushaku: Oh these? My grandfather wanted to maintain the Chinatown ambience, so I have to wear these. Not too bad though, I quite like it, it's unique. Speaking of which, do you know how hard it is for me to find my contacts... one golden and one violet, neat huh?

Hotohori: Definitely. I like the material of-

Kazunari: Ano... the 2 of you, if you're not going to get Ru-chan anything...

After several tedious hours...

Karasu: Are you sure Ru-chan will like this?

Kazunari: Positive.

Hakushaku: Let me remind you of the 3 special conditions it has to be maintain under. One, do not let it touch water. Two, do not scratch or drop it. Three, you must keep it very carefully whenever you're not playing with it. The shop will not to held liable for any misfortune should you fail to comply with these conditions. Please handle it with gentle loving care. Take good care of it and it will bring you much joy.

Hotohori: Ok, we will remember all that.

Karasu: You sure about this, Kazu?

Kazunari: Absolutely. Ru-chan will be so engrossed in playing with this that she'll forget about any bird-brained idiot that tries to mess with her.

Hotohori: And it'll get her off the PC too. That'll leave the PC ours for the taking.

Karasu: Ok... if you insist... a special edition promotional video of Petshop of Horrors video compact disc compilation, signed exclusively by Count D himself... hmm... I thought we agreed to get something different this time round?

Kazunari: Well, since it has been proven time and time again that this stuff works, no harm getting it again.

Hotohori: Yup, this is potent stuff. Better safe than sorry.

Karasu: I've got an idea for next time! The petshop owner himself...

End of LIAC Adventure.