Note: I know Hotohori's acting out of character
here. Let's just all pretend that he had a few drinks too many , shall
One late Wednesday morning, Enishi was feeling a little bored, so he decided to rummage through the huge manga collection at home and see if he could find anything interesting to read.
Enishi: Yeesh! All these yaoi mangas... such trash! Don't they have anything worth reading? Yucks yucks! Eh... what's that? Looks interesting. [Pulls out a manga and reads] Rurouni Kenshin... KISAMA!!! DIE!! HIYAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!!!!!!! [brings his katana down upon it]
Hotohori: [steps into the room] NNNNNNOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!! [dives
under Enishi and grabs the entire stack of manga before it gets chopped
to bits] Don't touch them! They are Rurouni's prized possession, her very
first set of manga.
[then he spots something on the floor and bursts into tears]
Karasu comes running.
Karasu: What happened? Who got killed?! Hotohori? What on earth are you doing, sitting on the floor and wailing like a baby? Lost your pacifier?
Hotohori: [between sobs] ... my hair... Enishi cut off my hair. I don't want to live anymore, without my beautiful hair, how can I face the world?
Enishi: It's your fault for diving between my legs when I was wielding my katana around. Now hand that over or face the consequences.
Karasu: Oh. Stop being such a baby, it's just a few strands.
Hotohori: Really? [gingerly fingers his long hair] Hey, you're right! Whew! For a moment there and I thought I was going to be bald. What a relief!
Karasu: Now, put those those mangas back on the shelf before you damage them. You know how much Rurouni likes them? And you know how she gets when she's angry.
Hotohori: Ooohhhhh!!!!!!! Battousai... scary...
Enishi: HAND THEM OVER!
Hotohori: Not on your life! [sticks out his tongue at Enishi and hugs the stack of mangas protectively]
Karasu: What's going on here?
Enishi: HE MUST DIE!
Enishi: Himura Battousai.
Hotohori: Karasu, help me stop him. You know what Rurouni will do to us if we fail to protect her mangas. She'll send us to The E and you know what The E will do to us... [shudders]
Karasu: [shivers violently] No way! The E almost raped me the last time she visited.
Enishi: Don't flatter yourself, nobody wants to even go near you, much less touch you.
Karasu: Oh yah, just name me one person who doesn't want to touch me, just one person. [looks smug] You can't think of anybody right?
Karasu turns SD, fades into the background and sobs.
Enishi: [to Hotohori] Now you either hand them over or so help me, I'll hack off all your hair! And I won't miss this time.
Hotohori: What bone do you have to pick with Himura?
Enishi: He killed my sister.
Hotohori: [mental image of Enishi in a skirt] I'm feeling sick. Excuse me, while I puke my insides out. [dashes to the toilet at record speed]
Enishi: [to the stack of Rurouni Kenshin manga] Haha! You are at my mercy now! You can beg all you want but no one is going to come and save you. Grovel at my feet like the lowly cur you are... [spits out the name with venom] BAT-TOU-SAI... Today my sister shall be avenged. [Thunder cracks and lightning flashes across the sky.]
Hotohori: [just out from the toilet] My goodness! I just hung all the clothes out to dry! [races against time to rescue the clothes before they are soaked]
Enishi: [still gloating] See Battousai, your protectors are gone...
Karasu: [popping back into non-SD form] You leave him alone. Rurouni wants her mangas in one piece!
Enishi: Ok, which piece does she want? I'll keep one for her.
Karasu: ~sweatdrop~ Ok, let's try a different tactic. If you want Himura so badly, shouldn't you go after him directly? Why vent your anger on a bunch of poor defenseless dead trees?
Enishi: Battousai is hiding amongst these dead trees! [inspiration hits him] I have a better idea... [picks up an eraser and moves to the mangas]
Karasu: Enishi, you know that's against LIAC rules...
Enishi: I don't care I want him ERASED!!!
Hotohori walks in looking a little wet.
Karasu: Did you manage to get the clothes in on time?
Hotohori: Yah, clothes are safe.
Karasu: Then why are you so damp?
Hotohori: The clothes were damp, that's why I hung them out to dry in the first place. Wow! Enishi, careful with that eraser, you might erase yourself away.
Enishi: You shut up! The only person who's going to get erased here is Battousai.
Hotohori: What?! You're going to erase him off the books?
Enishi: No. Off the face of the earth.
Hotohori: NOOO!!!! You can't do that!!!
Enishi: [haughtily] Why not?
Hotohori: If you do, there won't be anymore Himura Battousai.
Enishi: And the world will be a better place.
Hotohori: But you'll be erasing the light of my life too!
Karasu: EEeeewww... You like Himura? Are you homo? Don't come near me!
Hotohori: Speak for yourself, Karasu. I like Himura's lady-love.
Enishi: You like the wimpy Kaoru?! Humph! Bad taste.
Hotohori: Kaoru? Who wants Kaoru? I'm talking about that lovely, icy woman in the manga. I think she'd make a fitting Empress for me.
Karasu: You already have an Empress.
Hotohori: Oh yah. But one more won't kill.
Enishi: Who are you talking about? Misao? Megumi? Yumi? Kamatari?
Karasu: Kamatari's a guy.
Karasu: Don't you know that Hotohori has a crush on Tomoe?
Enishi: What? That's my sister!
Hotohori: [eagerly] Really? When is she coming to visit?
Enishi: Hang on, let me erase Battousai before we talk about my sis.
Hotohori: No! You can't do that! If you do, Battousai will never get to meet Tomoe and I won't ever get to see her again!
Enishi: [thinking hard] What he said is valid. What if I get erased too in the process. Hmm... this is too risky. There has got to be an easier way to exact my revenge. Ok, Battousai, you're spared for now. But I will come for you again and soon... [to Karasu and Hotohori] So, what would you like to know about my sis?
Karasu: How about some cookies and milk while we're at it?
Enishi: Good idea.
Hotohori: You go on ahead, I'll just pack up before, I join you, it was in my contract to keep things neat and tidy.
Enishi: Ok. Hurry up, you don't want to miss any tidbit about what a wonderful person my sis is!
Enishi and Karasu exits. Hotohori is left packing up the shelves. He picks up the final manga with a picture of Tomoe on the cover and hugs it before putting it back on the shelf.
End of LIAC Adventure.