Disclaimer: All characters belong to their various creators. The concept of LIAC [Live-In Anime Characters] belongs to Sae/Tae. This is written purely for entertainment purposes, no profit is being made out of it. 
 

Random Adoptions

By Geraldine and Angela Cheong aka Rurouni and Sano
6th December 1998

Hotohori: Psst, where's Rurouni?
Karasu: She went out, Christmas shopping, I think. I wonder what she'll get me...
Hotohori: What did you put on your wishlist?
Karasu: Youko Kurama aka Minamino Shuuichi.
Hotohori: Fat chance of you getting that.
Karasu: Hey! Rurouni dotes on me. She WILL get Kurama for me. What did you put on YOUR list?
Hotohori: A palace, lots of nice clothes, more mirrors in the house, cosmetics...
Aya: Vainpot.
Hotohori: Hmm... since Rurouni isn't in the house, I think I'll use the phone.
Karasu: Who're you calling?
Hotohori: What's it to you?
Karasu: I just can't imagine who'd be able to stay on the phone for more than one minute to hear you praising your non-existent physical attributes.
Hotohori: You're just jealous because I look so much better than you. Besides, I do have a wife and a son. I'd like to know how they are doing sometimes.

Hotohori walks off. Moments later, Hotohori can be heard having a conversation in distance.

Aya: A question.
Karasu: Bomb away.
Aya: Hotohori's wife... is her name Miaka?
Karasu: ...~sweatdrop~...

Doorbell: BING BONG! Man, I hate this job.
Karasu: Just shut up and do your job!
Doorbell: I can't do my job if I shut up.
Karasu: That does it! You die!

Karasu explodes the doorbell.

Aya: That's the sixth one this week. Rurouni's going to have a fit.
Karasu: It's their fault. They were being rude to me.
Aya: [sarcastically] Yah right, doorbells can talk.
Karasu: They sure can!
Aya: And you need a shrink.
Karasu: You want a Super Bomb Special?
Aya: I'll go and get the door.

Aya saunters over and opens the door.

Aya: Yes? May I help you?

Karasu saunters over and drapes himself over Aya's right shoulder much to Aya's chagrin.

Doorbell-ringer: [in a dead voice] The LIAC Bureau sent me here. I do believe a Sano-san made a random adoption?
Aya: LIAC Bureau? Random adoption?
Karasu: Isn't that where we were from? What's a random adoption?
Doorbell-ringer: An adoption that is made at random, to offer anime characters whom nobody wants to adopt a chance to...
Aya: I see.
Karasu: [yells to the back of the house] SANO!!! YOU HAVE A VISITOR!!!
Aya: [to Doorbell-ringer] You are?
Doorbell-ringer: Chang Wufei.

A horrible peal of laughter can be heard far off in the distance... and...
Hotohori: That's true! Hahah... Tamahome can be such a pain in the *BEEP* at times...

Karasu: Sometimes, I wish Rurouni had never taught him how to use the phone.

Another peal of laughter is heard.

Aya: Me too.

Sano comes running out of the back of the house. Her hands are black and dirty and she looks like a mess.

Sano: Thanks for getting the door, Karasu.
Karasu: Welcome.

Aya stares at Karasu who pretends not to notice.

Karasu: (whispers) What has she been doing??
Aya: Cutting out newspaper articles I believe... homework. She tried to get me to do it but she changed her mind when I took out my katana.
Karasu: You threatened your adopter?!!
Aya: No. I was trying to cut the newspapers.
Sano: Stop whispering behind my back! (turns to Wufei) You've been sent to deliver my LIAC right? So where is he?
Wufei: I'm right here.

Everyone in the household stops and stares.

Sano: YOU'RE my LIAC?!
Wufei: I just told you I was. You have a hearing problem?
Sano: But... but.... The LIAC Bureau said they were sending someone called ummm... what's his name... Yuki or something.
Wufei: They sent me here. You're Sano-san I suppose.
Sano: Uhm... yah... why don't you come in and take a sit first. Just give me a minute. Aya, you serve him.
Aya: Why should I?
Sano: You're my LIAC, so you jolly well do as I tell you or I'll send you back to the bureau.
Aya: If I didn't remember wrongly, it was written in my contract that all I had to do was 'look pretty'. It didn't mention anything about serving drinks to a fellow LIAC.
Wufei: Well, I'm thristy, so hurry up with the drink, will you?
Aya: Stop acting so prissy, you adoptee-reject!
Karasu: Aye! Name-calling. No matter how powerful the combatants are, it always boils down to name-calling.
Sano: Karasu, please help!
Karasu: Why should I? I'm not your LIAC.
Sano: Ok ok, whatever, anyway, Aya, you handle things for a while.

Sano runs off to the kitchen.

In the kitchen...
Sano: Hey Hotohori! I need to use the phone.
Hotohori: Ok, give me a second.

After 10 minutes...
Sano: Hey Hotohori, I SAID I NEED TO USE THE PHONE!!!
Hotohori: [into the phone] Yah, that's my adopter's sis. Yes, she's always this rude, did I ever tell you about the time she...
Sano: HOTOHORIIIIIII!!!!!!!!!!
Hotohori: [still into the phone] What? Tama-chan's hungry? Ok ok, I'd better put down the phone now, talk to you later.
Sano: That's more like it. [snatches up the phone and franctically dials]
LIAC recorded message: This is LIAC Bureau's Customer Service Department.
To lodge a complaint about a LIAC, please press 1.
To lodge a complaint against an abusive adopter, please press 2.
For repair of defective LIAC, please press 3.
For upgrading of obsolete models of LIAC, please press 4.
For new LIAC registrations, please press 5.
For more suggestions on how to improve LIAC services, please press 6.
To Rent-A-LIAC, please press 7.
To participate in our 'Random Adoption Scheme', please press 8.
To withdraw from the 'Random Adoption Scheme', please put down the phone right now and think things through again. Do you really have the heart to turn down all the poor cute little LIAC who have nowhere to go? If you really are that heartless, please press 9 to speak to an operator.

Sano presses [9].
LIAC operator: This is LIAC Bureau's Customer Service Department.
To lodge a complaint about a LIAC, please press 1.
To lodge a complaint against an abusive adopter, please press 2.
For repair of defective LIAC, please press 3.
For upgrading of obsolete models of LIAC, please press 4.
For new LIAC registrations, please press 5.
For more suggestions on how to improve LIAC services, please press 6.
To Rent-A-LIAC, please press 7.
To participate in our 'Random Adoption Scheme', please press 8.
To withdraw from the 'Random Adoption Scheme', please put down the phone right now and think things through again. Do you really have the heart to turn down all the poor cute little LIAC who have nowhere to go? Can I help you, O Heartless One?

Sano: (mutters) O Heartless? Who's the one who sent me Chang Wufei, I'd like to know...
LIAC operator: Did you say something?
Sano: What the heck is Chang Wufei doing here?!
LIAC operator: Oh, you're the new owner! I was wondering how long it would take for you to call. Oops, I mean umm... can you bear to abandon poor cute little Wufei who has nowhere to go?

Aya, Karasu and Wufei are now engaging in an all-out no holds barred yelling contest. Hotohori is peeping into the living room cautiously as bombs start exploding.

Sano: Wufei? Poor? Little? CUTE?! Besides I was supposed to get someone called Yuki-something!
LIAC operator: Really? Hold on, let me check.

Minutes later...

LIAC operator: You're absolutely right, you were supposed to get someone else. However due to some mistake on the Bureau's part, Wufei got sent to you by mistake. However, we have absolutely no objections if you wish to change your mind and adopt Wufei...
Sano: No, no, no!
LIAC operator: But poor Wufei has been rejected by so many families already! It'll break his heart if you were to send him back...
Sano: I want Yuki-something!

LIAC operator sighs.

LIAC operator: I'm afraid that you'll have to bear with Wufei for some time while we try to locate whoever's supposed to be sent to you. It appears that he was sent to the wrong family as well. We'll call you again when we've found him. Bye!
Sano: WHAT?! Hello? Hello?!

Hotohori timidly taps Sano on the shoulder.

Hotohori: Umm... Sano... I think you might want to take a look at this...

Sano steps into the living room and stares.

Sano: AYA!!! WHAT ARE YOU DOING?!
Aya: (stops in mid-slash) Sano-san! I err...

A vase comes flying through the air and crashes on Aya's head. Aya topples to the floor.

Sano: Aya!!
Karasu: Oops. I was aiming at Wufei actually.

Wufei: [lowering his weapon] About time you came out. Now where's my drink?
Sano: [splutters] WHAT? You expect ME to serve you?
Wufei: You're supposed to take care of me. That was in the contract.
Sano: Nonono! That was a mistake, you're supposed to go to some other family, they sent you to the wrong address. However, they're having problems locating your real family, so you have to stay here for a few days.
Aya: What?! A few days? With him? [aside] Ouch! My head hurts.
Karasu: Aya, remember, you have to look pretty. Act cool.
Wufei: It happens all the time, they send me to the wrong address and I have to put up with numbskulls for a few days before they send me to some other idiot's place 'by mistake'.
Sano: WHAT?!
Hotohori: NUMBSKULLS?! Karasu maybe but me?
Karasu: HEY! Want to have a Fastbomb Special?

Just then, Rurouni steps in.

Rurouni: Hey! What's with that big robot at the door?
Wufei: [haughtily] That's not a robot, that's my beloved Gundam Shenlong.
Karasu and Hotohori: [squeals] RU-CHAN!!!
Rurouni: Ru-chan?
Hotohori: Well, you ARE younger than us.

Both Hotohori and Karasu rushes up to Rurouni and hugs her.

Karasu: So, did you get anything for me?
Hotohori: Yah, anything for me? New clothes?
Rurouni: Actually, yes. [hands a package to Hotohori] This piece of garment is for you.

Hotohori eagerly tears at it while Karasu looks at Rurouni with a puppy-dog 'What about me?' expression, eyes wide in anticipation.

Rurouni: [hands another package to Karasu] And this is for you.

Both Karasu and Hotohori turns SD starts tearing away at the layers of wrappings like a couple of children at Christmas time.

Sano, Aya and Wufei: What about us?
Rurouni: What about you?
Sano: You know, presents? Ring a bell? Jingle bells...
Rurouni: It's not even Christmas yet, why should I get anything for you? You're not my LIAC.
Aya: But...
Sano: I'm your sis... Blood is thicker than water.
Wufei: Elementary, my dear owner. One doesn't need a brain to be able to figure that one out.
Rurouni: Ok ok. I did get something for you fellows too.
Sano, Aya and Wufei: [goggle-eyed] Really?
Rurouni: Dinner.

3 faces fall.

Karasu and Hotohori: EEEEEEEEEEEKKKKKKKSSSSSSSS!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Aya: That was unearthly.
Rurouni: [worriedly] What's the matter? Did you hurt yourself?
Karasu: No.
Hotohori: Not really.
Rurouni: Then?
Karasu: [forces a smile] I'm just so touched by your gift.
Hotohori: [imitates Karasu's fake smile] Me too.
Rurouni I'm glad you liked them. So back to my original question, what is that gigantic robot doing out there?

Karasu: [hugging his new soft toy, a silver furred feline fox] Bureau error.
Hotohori: [folding up his new apron] The worst kind possible.
Aya: [rubbing his head] I'd say.

Many unbearable days pass...

Wufei: Will you start polishing Nataku?!
Aya: I'm busy. Besides, I don't take orders from the likes of you. Only Sano-san can order me about.
Wufei: Well, she's out now and since nobody else is around to take you in hand, I appoint myself as your commander for the time being.
Aya: Y-you... arrogant insufferable intolerable brat!
Wufei: Stop stuttering like a fish and get moving.

Karasu: [aside to Hotohori] I sure am glad Rurouni doesn't go for 'Random Adoption Schemes'...
Hotohori: [aside to Karasu] Poor Aya's going to blow his top soon and you know how cool HE is.
Karasu: Yeah. Like ice.
Hotohori: Especially to your advances.
Karasu: Ohohoho! Do I detect a tinge of jealousy?
Hotohori: In your dreams.
Wufei: The two of you! Stop whispering sweet nothings in the corner and start polishing my sabre!
Karasu: Sweet nothings... WITH HIM!!! You gotta be kidding. Besides, we're Ru-chan's LIAC, not Sano's.
Wufei: I do not 'kid'.
Hotohori: Likewise, Hotohori-sama Suzaku Shichi Seishi and Emperor of Konan do not do chores.
Wufei: You will under my command!

The doorbell sounds.

Aya, Karasu and Hotohori: Could it be?!

All 3 LIAC trample one another down in their desperate attempt to get to the door. Hotohori makes it there and flings the door open.

Wufei: [sneering] And he said he 'didn't do chores'...
Doorbell-ringer: Hi! I'm the LIAC Bureau's representative. I believe you said you had a defective LIAC?

Wufei is bundled up together with the foldable Gundam Shenlong into the LIAC Bureau van before he has any chance to speak and defend himself.

All 3: Bye!
Karasu: Don't call!
Aya: Don't visit.
Hotohori: And don't write back!

The door slams shut.

Hotohori: So who pulled that dirty trick and called the LIAC Bureau?
Aya: I did.
Karasu: You darling you! Let me give you a hug.

Seconds later...

Karasu finds himself lying flat on the floor while Aya sticks a katana at his throat. The doorbell sounds once again.

Hotohori: I'll get that.

Hotohori opens the door.
 
Doorbell-ringer: [in a dead voice] The LIAC Bureau sent me here. I do believe a Sano-san made a random adoption?
Hotohori: LIAC Bureau? Isn't that where I was from? What's a random adoption?
Doorbell-ringer: An adoption that is made at random, to offer anime characters whom nobody wants to adopt a chance to...
Hotohori: I see. And you are?
Doorbell-ringer: Yukishiro Enishi.

End of LIAC Adventure.