Disclaimer: All characters belongs to their respective creators. The LIAC concept belongs to Tae/Sae. Fujimiya Aya and Yukishiro Enishi are Sano's LIACs. Karasu and Hotohori are Rurouni's LIACs.

Spick & Span

By Angela and Geraldine Cheong
16 February 1999

Rurouni: Chinese New Year's coming...

Karasu: So?

Hotohori: Uhm... bye bye... I'm going on vacation...

Karasu: Eh? What's this all about?!

Hotohori: Didn't you hear Ru-chan? Chinese New Year is coming!!!

Karasu: So?

Enishi: WHAT! Chinese New Year? Coming? (checks his pocket calendar) Excuse me while I pack up and ask for an extended leave of absence. (runs off)

Karasu: What's up with that loony?

Aya: No idea.

Hotohori: Enishi!! Wait for me! We'll go to Shanghai in China together!

Sano: (catching hold of Enishi as he tries unsuccessfully to run by) There you are! Just the person I was looking for.

Aya: What's with everyone today?

Karasu: Must have forgotten their shots.

Rurouni: Eh... a Cathode Ray Tube is used to...

Aya: What's she doing?

Karasu: Studying. She has a test coming up.

Rurouni: GRRR!!!! Why is the teacher so cruel! A test right after the Chinese New Year holidays! How in the world am I supposed to find time to study for it?!

Karasu: Poor Ru-chan! I never had to study for tests.

Hotohori: You're not qualified to take any.

Karasu: Hey! I resent that! RU-CHAN!!! Make Hotohori eat his words! [turns to Hotohori] Take that back!

Hotohori: Nyet!

Rurouni: Quit making so much noise!!! Argh! Since the 2 of you have nothing to do, go help me clean my room.

Hotohori: Drats! This was what I've been trying to escape from...

Karasu: What?

Hotohori: Spring cleaning.

Karasu: Sounds nice. What's that?

Enishi: (disappearing into Sano's room) It's a torture process in which you're expected to clean your respective owners' bedroom. The degree of the torture differs depending on your master's personality. For example if she's a neatness oriented freak then... (Enishi's voice fades off)

Karasu: (turning pale) That's spring cleaning? No way I'm doing that!

Hotohori: Me too!

Aya: I think I'll go for a little stroll.

Sano: Hold it right there. Help Enishi with the spring cleaning, Aya.

Aya: (sweatdrop) Must I?

Sano : Yup.

Aya: (shrugging) If you say so, Sano.

Aya walks into the Sano's bedroom. Hotohori and Karasu try to slip away unnoticed.

Rurouni: A colour burst is... hey you 2, my room's the other way!

Hotohori: ~gulps~ Ru-chan... it's Chinese New Year Eve...

Rurouni: So?

Hotohori: I'd like to return to my palace for reunion dinner with Hoki and my son.

Karasu: Yah, me too!

Rurouni: You too? I didn't know you had a wife and a son.

Karasu: [sweatdrop] Uhm... the Toguro team is waiting for me to join them for dinner. Remember, Toguro Ototo, Toguro Ani, my buddy, Bui and Sakyo...

Rurouni: I thought you didn't like them.

Karasu: It's a reunion dinner... whether I like them or not, I'd still have to go.

Rurouni: Alright then, go ahead.

Hotohori and Karasu: YESSSSSSSS!!!!!!!!

Rurouni: After you finish spring cleaning.

Hotohori and Karasu: (looking with puppy dog eyes) RU- CHANNN~

Rurouni: Anyway, I'm sure the Toguro Team doesn't know anything about 'reunion dinners' so I guess you're free to spring clean as long as you like,  Karasu.

Enishi and Aya burst out from Sano's room, panting madly.

Sano: Thanks for helping guys! I'll be doing my homework if you need me. Ja ne!

Enishi: I am NOT going back in there again.

Aya: We have to. She entrusted us with the chore of cleaning her room.

Enishi: That's way too daunting! It's 'Mission Impossible'!

Rurouni: (to her quivering LIACs) See, you're lucky you aren't Sano's LIACs.

Enishi: It looks like there was a nuclear explosion in her room!

Aya: True, but we still have to perform our duties to her.

Enishi: I heard there are cockroaches in her drawers!

Aya: There are.

Enishi: WHAT!!!

Aya: They could be dead by now though. Depends on our luck.

Karasu: Hotohori... please... I don't wanna do spring cleaning. Tell Ru-chan  you don't need any help from the likes of me.

Hotohori: Ru-chan, I need all the help I can get.

Rurouni: You have it. Karasu, be a good youkai and help Hotohori with the spring cleaning.

Hotohori: Yah, be a good boy and do the cleaning. I'll supervise.

Karasu: WHAT?!

Hotohori: I'm the emperor of Konan. Surely, you don't expect me to go on my hands and knees and dance with the dust mites.

Karasu: Well, I'm the infamous, bomb-creating villain in Yuu Yuu Hakusho. Surely you don't expect me to be a good youkai or boy for that matter.

Rurouni: Surely you don't want to miss tonight's dinner? Fish is on the menu...

Hotohori: Really?

Karasu: But we eat fish every other day!

Hotohori: This fish is special, it'll improve your complexion. Not that it matters to you anyway, since you're beyond hope, that's why you wear a mask I guess.

Karasu: ~splutters~ I'll get my beloved Kurama to kill you off, you obnoxious Konan punk!

Hotohori: Hahah! Just try! Kurama's more likely to make sashimi out of you first. Besides, there are no punks in Konan.

Rurouni: Why aren't you at it yet? Not enough work to do? You can always help Sano's LIACs when you're done with my room you know, I'm sure they'd appreciate the help.

Aya: Yes! We'd love the help. We need it.

Enishi: Desperately!

Aya: Why don't you call your men in Shanghai to come over and do the dirty job.

Enishi: I would if I could but by the time they get here...

Hotohori: Ru-chan, why not let me help you with your studies. I am the emperor of Konan, and to be an emperor one has to be mighty clever. Karasu can handle the menial labour.

Rurouni: I suppose you know a lot about modern technology?

Karasu: Hahah! He?! He knows nothing! Just the other day, I found him trying to rescue some poor souls trapped in a box.

Hotohori: [haughtily] There were no televisions in my time.

Rurouni: And you want to help me with my Image Technology?

Hotohori: What's an Image Technology?

Rurouni: Never mind, you can help Karasu with my room, it's a simpler task.

Hotohori: But Ru-chan! I'll get dust in my lovely hair, dirt in my painstakingly manicured nails, grit on my beautiful face, grime on my expensive tailor-made clothes-

Rurouni: All the better, you can have a nice warm shower after that. Now hurry up and help Karasu with my room. Or would you prefer to help Aya and Enishi with Sano's room?

Hotohori: [gulps] Come on, Karasu, Ru-chan's room is a lot better than Sano's.

Karasu: Yeah, at least Ru-chan's room doesn't resemble a garbage dump.

Aya: You're lucky. Rurouni-san is a neatness freak. All you need to do is wipe off the dust and rearrange stuff a bit.

Enishi: [in tears] Sano on the other hand, thrives on messiness.

Rurouni: Tell you what, I'll throw in some New Year cookies for you when you're done with my room.

Karasu: Alright! Let's go!

Hotohori: Yipee! Cookies!
Enishi: Sano, do we get cookies too?

Sano: Absolutely! But only if you do a good job.

Aya: Stop wasting time and start working on the job at hand.

Enishi: Hey! Who died and made you supervisor?

Aya: Sano did. She's not dead though and I'd advise you not to curse her if you want any cookies.

Enishi: Yeeps! That's not fair! I was the biggest mafia boss in Shanghai. I demand to be overall in charge here. I have working experience whereas Aya doesn't. Sano, reconsider your decision!

Aya: I am the leader of Weiss.

Enishi: Urmm... that's different.

Aya: How so?

Karasu: Quit squabbling you bunch of spoilt brats! Can't you all be a little more like me? I never get into any childish quarrels.

Hotohori: Liar.

Karasu: Am not!

Hotohori: Are too!

Karasu: Am not!

Hotohori: are TOO!

Karasu: AM NOT!
Rurouni: Are you 2 done with my room already?

Karasu and Hotohori zip into Rurouni's room and continue their childish squabbling there while packing up her room.

Hotohori: ARE TOO!!!!!

Karasu: AM NOT!!!

A hideous scream is heard from Sano's room. Karasu and Hotohori stop their squabbling at once. They tiptoe over to Sano's room and peek in.

Aya: A leaping hopping freaking spider. Die.

Aya starts hacking at the unsightly piles of textbooks scattered all over Sano's room in an attempt to rid the world of one scary looking, eight-legged, eight-eyed, germ-carrying pest.

Enishi: Stop fooling around over there and help me with this instead.

Aya: What?

Enishi: There is cockroach poop all over the drawer... that and lizard's poop too!

Aya: So? You handle it. You're the Shanghai mafia boss, remember. You can take on anything.

Enishi: There is a cockroach here too.

Aya: Really? Hang on, I'll get the insecticide. [looks into the drawer to make a note of the cockroach's location, then frowns] It's dead.

Enishi: Yah, but someone has to get rid of it's corpse.

Aya: So go ahead and do so.

Enishi: It's too demeaning a task for me.

Aya: Do it, mafia boss.

Enishi: Why me, Weiss hot shot?

Aya: Because.

Enishi: What do you mean 'because'?

Aya: Just that.

Enishi: Can you speak in proper sentences for a change instead?!

Aya and Enishi begin their quarrel to assert their superiority over the other anew. Karasu creeps over to the two of them and cautiously stares at the spider. It stares back and jumps forward.

Karasu: EEEKKS!

Hotohori: Baby.

Karasu: What did you say?!

Hotohori: Baby.

Karasu: Am not!

Hotohori: Are too.

Karasu: Am not.

Hotohori: Are too!

Karasu: Am NOT!

Hotohori: ARE TOO!

Karasu: I'm not going to lower myself to your level by engaging in a babyish exchange with you. I have my cookies to earn.

Hotohori: Fine. I'm not going to talk to you till I get my cookies.

Karasu and Hotohori returns to their daunting task of spring cleaning Rurouni's room.

Karasu: Ok, this pile of last last last year's textbooks go into the bin. On second thoughts, to save me the trouble...


Hotohori: Hmm... where should I put this pile of spare paper? I know! I'll put it in Sano's room, it's so messy that no one will notice it anyway...

One hour later when Rurouni and Sano pop in to check...

Rurouni: Oh good! My room is done. Karasu, Hotohori, here are the cookies promised to you.

Karasu and Hotohori: Yummy!!!

Sano: Eck! What happened to my room?! I told you to clean it up not make a bigger mess of it!!!

Aya: True.

Enishi: We had to get rid of all sorts of poop first.

Aya: As well as the hopping spider.

Enishi: Rurouni-san's LIACs helped too.

Rurouni: Really? For being so nice, you get extra cookies.

Karasu and Hotohori stare at the cookies with big shining eyes.

Sano: Hey! Are you nuts! They helped to make a mess of my room and you reward them with cookies?!

Rurouni: They tried.

Karasu: [mouth full of cookies] Mmmmuhmn... wee dido oeur lery beesssst!

Hotohori: [nodding vigorously, mouth also full of cookies] Mmmmmuhm mmughuhhuh...

Rurouni: Besides, you always said you couldn't stand a clean and neat room. "I like my room messy. It reflects my personality. It's so ME!" Isn't that what you always say?

Sano: Yeah... but I have visitors coming! I can't let them sit around in a messy environment. It's not polite to do so.

Aya and Enishi: [looking guilty] Gomen, Sano-chan! (Note: They only use a 'chan' at the back of  Sano's name when they're feeling bad about something and want Sano to forgive them.)

Sano: [sighing] Oh well, guess I can't count on the  two of you for anything.

Enishi: You can, you can! Your wish is our command!

Aya: For once, I have to agree with the egoistic punk.

Enishi: What did you say?!

Sano: You've already proven yourselves to be very 'helpful', but if you insist...

Enishi: [eagerly] What?!

Sano: Clean up my room again. And make sure you do a good job this time.

Rurouni: [jerking her thumb at Hotohori and Karasu who are fighting over cookies] Since both of you enjoy being so sweet and neighbourly, the 2 of you can help out too!

Hotohori and Karasu: [mouths crammed full of cookies] MUANNI?!

The End