Disclaimer: All characters belong to their respective creators. The LIAC concept belongs to Tae/Sae.

Under Attack!

By Geraldine and Angela Cheong
22nd December 1998

Hotohori: Hmm... this plate should go here... and that plate should go there ... the chopsticks should go... here, here and here... the spoons should go... THEREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

In the hall...

Aya: What was that?
Enishi: Hotohori. You know how he likes to sing.
Aya: I've never heard him sing that bad before.
Enishi: New song perhaps?

Enishi gets up and strolls to the kitchen where the ear-piercing shrieks are coming from. He peeks in and hastily retreats.

Enishi: Karasu... I think Hotohori needs your help.
Karasu: But it's his turn to set the table! Besides, Rurouni hired him to do the housework not me. Anyway, so long as he's singing that song, I'm not going near him.
Enishi: He's being attacked by one of your kind.

Karasu: Really? But he's a Suzaku seishi and the emperor of Konan, he should be able to handle any youkais.
Rurouni: I'll go and take a look... how dare any youkai storm into my kitchen just like that?! I'll teach them a lesson they never forget!
Karasu: Careful, Ru-chan. Most youkais are ugly and nasty, unlike me.

Rurouni strides purposefully into the kitchen and stops short.

Hotohori: [standing on a chair and close to tears] RU-CHANNNNN!!!!!!! HELP MEEEEE!!!!!!!!
Rurouni: [spying the offending being, gulps] Uhm... Hotohori... try jumping over here...
Hotohori: [squealing] What if I fall?! I'll smash my face in and lose my teeth...
Rurouni: [backing away] In that case, you stay there until help arrives, ok?

Hotohori makes a leap from the chair and lands on top of Rurouni, upsetting a couple more chairs in the process.

Rurouni: OOOUCH!!!!!!!
Hotohori: [still in tears] Sorry, Ru-chan! But I couldn't risk my face.
Rurouni: I'll get you for this later. Now let's beat a hasty retreat. This is Karasu's area of expertise...

The 2 disappear back into the hall.

Enishi: Great! You finally stopped singing.
Rurouni: It was scary!
Hotohori: [sniffing] It was UGLY! I've never seen an UGLIER mug!
Aya: [peeping around the corner] It's still there and moving fast!!! KARASU!!!! DO SOMETHING!!!

Karasu: [sigh] 3 big male grown ups can't handle a wittle youkai... [hugs Hotohori] there there... stop crying now dear... it's no biggie... you're safe now.

Hotohori clings on to Karasu, still trembling violently.

Karasu: [thinking] Heheh... I've been wanting to do this for weeks!
Enishi: It's one your kind, you should be able to curb it right? Being a quest-class youkai...
Aya: That's right. You'd better hurry, Karasu!

Karasu: Status Report.
Rurouni: It's big...
Hotohori: And UGLY!!! With 6 hairy limbs!
Enishi: It's black like you, Karasu. With wings... and 2 antennas...
Karasu: I'm not black! I just like wearing black! I don't have wings and I definitely do not have antennas!
Aya: It can move a lot and is very fast too.
Karasu: Ru-chan, how big is big?
Rurouni: [hiding behind Karasu] HUGE! I've never seen a bigger one.
Karasu: [thinking] That's probably 'cos I'm the only youkai she's seen... slim, lithe, graceful and pretty. No, make that 'extremely handsome'.
Aya: [still peeping over the corner] Uhm... Karasu? It's moving...
Karasu: Where is it?
Aya: Near the drainage hole, on it's back... it's struggling to get up! EEEKKSS!!! It almost made it! See for yourself! [shoves Karasu into the kitchen]

Karasu takes one look and speeds back into the hall.

Karasu: That's not my department! I don't want to waste my time and energy on it. Who was the one who said it was one of my kind?! [Enishi looks innocent.]
Hotohori: Please! Karasu! Do something, if you don't we're all doomed! It'll bite us!
Karasu: COCKROACHES don't bite! [in a small voice] Do they?
Karasu: B-but... I don't wanna...

The cockroach moves.

Several shrieks ensue and Karasu is bodily flung into the kitchen.

Karasu: [Standing among the dinner plates on the table] EEEKKKS!!! Hotohori! I'll get you for this!
Aya: Is Karasu... afraid?
Enishi: It looks like it.
Aya: Hotohori. Go help Karasu.
Hotohori: WHAT!!! NO WAY!
Aya: He's your fellow LIAC. We LIACs are supposed to help each other in times of trouble right? Besides, you have a duty to protect Rurouni.

Rurouni nods her head vigorously.

Hotohori: [trembling violently] But I'm scared!!!
Aya: So is Karasu.
Enishi: Guess we'll have to do this the hard way.

Enishi reaches over and grabs Hotohori by the scuff of his neck and drags him over to the kitchen.

Hotohori: [clawing on wildly to his tormentor] ENISHI!! NO! PLEASE!!
Karasu: [thinking] From the look of things, Hotohori isn't going to be of much use to me.[aloud] Enishi, Aya! The two of you have a duty to protect Sano too!

Aya and Enishi freeze in place. Hotohori breaks free and rushes over to Rurouni.

Enishi: [sweating] Umm... err... Sano's not here now.
Karasu: [praying and sweating too] But she'll be back soon right? You know how scared she is of cockroaches.
Aya: [sweating] You'll have taken care of it by then.
Karasu: [sweating even more] What if I haven't?

Several seconds tick by with Aya, Enishi and Karasu staring at each other nervously. The silence is finally broken with a squeal.

Hotohori: It curled up!
Aya: Enishi... You know what we have to do.
Enishi: [turning pale white] Do we... have to?

Aya nods grimly.

Enishi winces and grabs the protesting Hotohori from Rurouni.

Enishi: Let's face it if we have to suffer, so do you.
Karasu:[standing on the table and close to tears] RU-CHANNNNN!!!!!!! HELP MEEEEE!!!!!!!!

Rurouni hides behind the sofa.

Rurouni: [to Sano's LIACs] I'll be here if you need me...
Hotohori and Karasu: [in tears] RUUUUUU-CHANNNN!!!
Rurouni: The spray is in the cupboard next to the cockroach...

Rurouni disappears from sight.

Enishi marches into the kitchen together with the wailing Hotohori followed by Aya who calmly walks over to the entrance of the kitchen and stops short there.

Enishi: Get down you wailing babe!

Enishi proceeds to drag the terrified Karasu down from the dinner table and pushes both Hotohori and Karasu to the drainage hole.

Enishi: You two, take care of it.
Karasu: [indignantly] What about you and Aya?
Enishi: We're the backup team.
Hotohori: [fear temporarily forgotten] What! That's not fair!
Enishi: The two of you have got to learn how to be independent. What happens if Aya and I go away on a holiday with Sano? Don't worry, we'll step in when things get out of hand.
Hotohori: [sulking] Promise?
Enishi: [fingers crossed behind his back] Yep.

The 2 terrified LIACs squat down next to the cockroach and tremble with Enishi looming over them; and Aya hanging back some distance away.

Enishi: [pressing the insect spray into Karasu's hands] Here take this.
Karasu: H-huh? Y-you spray, Hotohori.
Hotohori: No, you do it.
Karasu: You came here first so you do it!
Hotohori: You're older!

The two LIACs start squabbling like little kids. The cockroach, due to its kicking, suddenly spins around 360 degrees.

Karasu and Hotohori: EARRRGGGHHHHHH!!!!

Both take cover behind Enishi who is slowly losing his patience and his temper.

Enishi: [grabbing the spray] I'll do it.

Enishi steps back and sprays the cockroach with the insecticide. The sudden force of the jet spray turns the cockroach over on it's feet and it charges over to the four LIACs!

Enishi, Hotohori and Karasu: AAAAAHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!! HELPPPPPP!!!!!!!!!!

All hell breaks loose in the kitchen!

Enishi: Karasu! It's charging towards you! Look out! Cockoaches like the colour black!

A panic-striken Karasu spins round and unleashes a mini-bomb at the insect which artfully manages to dodge it. Confused, it starts heading towards Hotohori.

Hotohori: NO! GET AWAY FROM MEEEE!!!!!!! I'M WARNING YOU!!!! [draws his katana and hacks at it.]

!!!!!!HACK HACK HACK!!!!!!

Aya: Can't you differentiate between a cockroach and a table?
Hotohori: It took cover beneath the table...
Karasu: Where is it now?!
Aya: Behind you!

Karasu lets loose a mighty bomb that takes out half the kitchen behind him.

Karasu: Did I get it?
Hotohori: [peeps behind him] I think so, I don't see it anymore.
Enishi: Whew... so it's all over...
Rurouni: [peers from behind the sofa] Wah! What did you do to my kitchen?!
Karasu: Is the life of your LIAC more important or the kitchen?
Hotohori: Don't worry, Karasu will fix the kitchen for you, since he ruined it in the first place.
Rurouni: You'd better... I'm so proud of you, you managed to get rid of that horrible... [stares] Enishi, does your shoe happen to have feelers?
Karasu and Hotohori: WHAT?! [joins Rurouni behind the sofa]

Aya: [squeals] It's still alive! Mama mia! What does it take to kill it?! ENISHI! DON'T MOVE!

Aya whips out his gun and aims it at the cockroach.

Karasu: Where did you get that thing from?!
Enishi: I thought Sano banned the use of guns at home! [screams] DON'T SHOOT! THAT'S MY FOOT YOU'RE AIMING AT! If I become a cripple you'll have to take care of me for the rest of your life!

Aya stares at Enishi and the gun disappears back to where it came from.

Aya: That's a horrible thought.
Karasu: I'd say.
Enishi: SHUT UP!

The cockroach races up Enishi's pants suddenly and disappears into his shirt.


A mad scramble follows as everyone tries to remove the cockroach [from a distance] from Enishi's back. The cockroach finally flits off to a corner of the hall where it begins its attack again.

Rurouni: Everyone take refuge in the room!

All four LIACs and Rurouni run into the bedroom and slams the door shut.

Hotohori: Are we... safe yet?
Aya: [stuffing up the narrow gap between the bottom of the door and the floor] Hard to say. Cockroaches can squeeze in anywhere.
Karasu: How long do we have to stay here?
Aya: As long as need be, until one of us decides to get rid of it.

After an hour of tense waiting.

Hotohori: [ear to the door] I think the coast is clear. It's a graveyard out there.
Karasu: Really? Aya, you go and have a look-see.
Enishi: No! What if it flies in when we open the door?!
Rurouni: We're not going to stay here all night without dinner. [opens the door and scans the area] All clear. No sign of it. But I'm not that hungry, you guys can go ahead with dinner. I'll hole up in here.

Aya darts out and brings in dinner.
Karasu darts out and brings in some paper plates.
Hotohori darts out and brings in some plastic spoons and wooden chopsticks.
Enishi darts out an brings in a few copies of Rurouni Kenshin manga.

Karasu: What's the manga for?
Enishi: To wipe our mouth with.
Rurouni: WHAT?!
Enishi: [sweatdrops]...

Enishi darts out an brings in some napkins.

Rurouni: That's more like it.

Everybody begins eating. Just then the sound of a key begin inserted into a lock is heard.

Enishi: [excitedly] Sano's back from guitar practice!
Sano: [taking off her shoes and dumping her guitar on the floor] Whew! What a tough day! Hey, where's eve... COCKROACH!!! AYA! ENISHI!

Everybody sweatdrops.
Hotohori: Did you heard something?
Rurouni: No I didn't.
Karasu: Neither did I.

End of LIAC adventure.