Disclaimer: Yuu Yuu Hakusho characters belong to Yoshihiro Togashi. This is purely for entertainment purposes, no profit is being made out of it.


By Pan and Rurouni
June 1998

Sensui: I challenge you, the Urameshi team, to a 4-on-4 street soccer match!

Itsuki: I'll be with you in your team.

Sniper: So will I!

Pan: ME ME!

Sensui: That makes four... you?

Yuusuke: Mata...

Kuwabara: Otoko Kuwabara Kazuma will accept that challenge! I'll be with you Urameshi! Don't worry!

Hiei: Hn. All the more reason to worry.

Kurama: Erm... I only play volleyball...

Hiei: Hn. I'm going off.

Yuusuke: Oh no you don't.

Rurouni: No you don't Pan! You're not one of Sensui's comrades...on second thoughts, since you're with Sensui, I'll join my Kurama! Urameshi! Count me in!

Hiei: (tied up by Yuusuke) Ok ok, I'd better stick around and make sure that klutz over there (jerks a thumb at Kuwabara) doesn't trip over the ball.

Kuwabara: ~splutters~ Like you can leave...you're trussed up like a chicken...BWAHAHAHAHA

Hiei: (growls) JAOH...ENSATSU...

Yuusuke: Yoshi! We've got 5 people now!

Gourmet/GameMaster/Doctor: Sensui-sama! Sorry we're late...

Sensui: Hitori, Futari, Sannin, Yonnin, Gonin, Rokunin, Nananin...7 people...

Seaman: Kazuma-san, I'll stand by you all the way.

Yuusuke: Shimata, we're short of one, even with Seaman's defecting...

Kurama: Minna-san...I ONLY know how to play volleyball...

Rurouni: Daijoubu desune! It's just like volleyball, only you use your legs instead of your hands and the ball is allowed to touch the ground.

Koenma: Who says we're short of anyone?

Pan: The situation looks bad... the tiny street soccer patch can't possibly hold FOURTEEN people... I think I'll depart as narrator cum announcer instead. Mata, Sensui-san!

Sensui: OEI! Wait a minute... now *we're* short of one...

Yuusuke: Like real you are. Your legs are long enough to make up three!

Rurouni: Hahah! All the same, I think I'll join Pan-kun as the announcer. Just in case Sensui's team claims that the Urameshi team cheated. Sensui team tai Urameshi team! Hajime!

Yuusuke: MATTE!!

Sensui: Now what?

Yuusuke: We need to discuss tactics first.

Sensui: As you wish... but the great Sensui team shall win you no matter how many strategies you come up with!

Yuusuke: Dream on!

*they gather around*

Yuusuke: It's all very easy... let's review, we have me, Kuwabara, Kurama, Hiei, Seaman, and Koenma... the simpliest tactic is to just pass the ball to Hiei and let him go goal. [Rurouni: Go goal?]

Seaman: I'll be the goalkeeper.

Kurama: Why? I wanted to be the goal keeper... I swear I couldn't kick a ball one millimeter away without suffering from side effects.

Yuusuke: Oh come on! You're a guy, Kurama! Guys are supposed to be tough! Strong!

Kuwabara: OEI YES! Like the great Kuwabara Kazuma who will kick the ball straight into goal whether or not the shrimp is there!

Hiei: Idiot.

Koenma: I must remind you of the rules of street soccer again. NO goaling is allowed beyond the half court not our goal area, and the ball cannot be kicked above the knee of the opponent.

Yuusuke: Wah! So many rules!

Kurama: But they didn't say 'Youki not allowed to be used' right?

Koenma: Well... no.

Kurama: Good.

Koenma: Errr... Kurama... I hope you're not thinking what I think you're thinking...

Kurama: *pulling a few seeds from his hair* And why not?

Sensui: Ok, this is the plan, pass any and all balls you get to me. Sniper, if you see a ball flying towards our goal...

Hagiri/Sniper: [opens his palm to reveal several dices] I'll puncture it...

Sensui: Fine. Gatekeeper, you'll be the goalkeeper, you...

Istuki/Gatekeeper: Hai. I am to create a portal for any ball that get through our defenses...

Sensui: Right. Gourmet...you'll play defense.

Gourmet: I'll swallow anything that gets too near the goal...be it ball or youkai or youko or ningen...

Sensui: That's great. Doctor, you'll...

Kamiya/Doctor: I'll be performing surgery for our opponents on the field. Especially that pretty redhead, cut him apart and see if there's a youko hiding inside...

Sensui: Deal. Gamemaster, you know what you have to do.

Gamemaster: [holds out a soccer game catridge] I control the game if the Urameshi team decides they want to play rough...

Sensui/Darkangel: Yoshi. All set? Let's go!

Pan: And the match begins!

Rurouni: Kick-off to Sensui Team!

Dark Angel: Over here, Gamemaster!

Gamemaster: HAI!

Rurouni: And Gamemaster passes the ball to Dark Angel! What's this! Kuwabara intercepts with a Rei Ken attack! He uses the Rei Ken as a hockey stick to stick the ball to Yuusuke!

Pan: Yuusuke forms a Rei Gan around the ball! He shoots! Sniper's dice misses the fast spinning Rei Ball!

Rurouni: And GO-... what the?

Pan: The ball disappears!

Itsuki: Heh heh heh...

Rurouni: Where is the ball?

Sensui: Over here! *ball appears at his feet* SHOOT!

Koenma: Oh no you don't! Fuuma... huh?

Kurama: Save the Fuumakan for our last defences... my plants can handle this! Seaman!

Seaman: Yes! I'm ready!

Sensui: Let the ball go! Stupid vines... Sniper! Gamemaster! Do your thing!

Pan: Sniper shoots several dices at the vines! They break and fall away!

Rurouni: What's this? Koenma just kicked the ball to Sensui!

Koenma: Hey! I can't control my movements!

Gamemaster: Heheheh...

Hiei: Hn.

Pan: A black blur darts over to Gamemaster and grabs the game cartridge before anyone on the 'field' realises what has happened! It's Hiei-seishi!

Rurouni: What do we have here?! Hiei and Gamemaster are playing catching on the field! Go Hiei go!

Pan: Hey! You're not supposed to take sides!

Rurouni: Oops.

Pan: Itsuki seishi's smirking...why?

Rurouni: Hiei just ran into a portal!

The entire Urameshi team: HIEI!!!

Pan: There he is again! It's Hiei dropping out from a portal above Kurama seishi's head!

Kurama and Hiei: OUCH!

Rurouni: Kurama's concentration is shot! All plantlife on the field disappears!

Pan: Kurama seishi down! Countdown...1...2...3...

Rurouni: Hey! Wrong channel! There's no countdown in a soccer game! This is not the Ankoku Bujuutsukai!

Pan: Oops.

Rurouni: Can we have a medic on the field?

Pan: Doctor seishi's moving over to Kurama seishi!

Doctor: Heheheh...I'm the medic...

Seaman: Kazuma san! Now!

Rurouni: Now what? Seaman seishi has just fed Gourmet a reservoir of water! Gourmet's movements are sluggish! What's going to happen?

Kuwabara: BWAHAHAHA serves him right for trying to swallow me!

Pan: Kuwabara seishi stands tall and proud over the ball...

Kuwabara: I, otoko Kuwabara Kazuma, ai no seishi will score a goal for my beloved YUKINA-SAN!

Rurouni: He shoots! He trips!

Pan: But he still scores!

Rurouni : It's a home goal!

Pan: The crowd roars!

Rurouni: The score stands at Urameshi team-0, Sensui team-1.

Pan: Yuusuke seishi tries to kick Kuwabara's head in frustration! He misses! He kicks the ball instead.

Rurouni: Look at it go! Beautiful! Nothing is stopping it! The Sensui team is too busy rolling on the ground laughing too hard from Kuwabara seishi's last blunder. It's a goal!

Pan: The crowd roars again!

Rurouni: We have a tie! 1-1!

Pan: And the whistle blows! It's half-time! Be right back for more of the exciting street soccer match between the famed Urameshi team and the crazed Sensui team!

Rurouni: We now bring to you a live telecast of what is happening in the Urameshi Team's locker room...

Yuusuke: Take that! BOING AND THAT! Boof And this! kathump

Koenma: ...

Seaman: Yuusuke-san... I think Kuwabara-san has had enough...

Yuusuke: *totally ignoring him* This is for bungling! This is for tripping! This is for shooting! AND THIS IS FOR OWN GOALING!!!

Rurouni: The great Kuwabara Kazuma becomes a pancake on the wall!

Pan: Seaman tries to peel the Great Kuwabara Kazuma pancake off the wall!

Koenma: ...

Kurama: I see stars... no actually, I see a million Hiei's flying around me.

Hiei: Hn. I didn't hit so hard, mind you.

Kurama: *trying to glare at the four Hieis in front of him* Well, you were heavier than I thought!

Hiei: And is that my fault?

Kurama: Of course! From now on, you're going to watch your weight.

Rurouni: Kurama summons a few plants and stuffs it down Hiei-seishi's throat!

Kurama: There. You're on a vegetation diet from now on.

Hiei: *muffled sounds*

Kamiya: Helloooooooo~

Yuusuke: WHO are YOU?

Kamiya: (he's wearing a doctor's mask) This is the offical paramedics of the soccer match, is there anyone in need of anything?

Kuwabara: Y... eee... ssss...

Hiei: Hn. Baka wa baka.

Kurama: [wails] Hiei! Stop flitting around! You're giving me a headache.

Kuwabara: The presence of the squirt is enough to give anyone a headache.

Hiei: [to Kuwabara]You're just dying to meet Enma Daiou, aren't you? [to Kurama] And I'm NOT flitting around. I don't FLIT!

Pan: Hiei-seishi advances towards Kuwabara-seishi, slowly unwrapping his warded arm... while Kurama seishi busied himself counting the number of Hieis he could see.

Kurama: Uhh...one...two...five...three...seven...

Kuwabara: [squeaks] HELP!

Kamiya: [sinister snigger] Don't worry! I've got my medical equipment right here...

Rurouni: Kamiya-sensei pulls out a couple of surgical knives...

Pan: What's he going to do? Hmm...he looks familiar...

Rurouni: It's Doctor! From the Sensui team! Kamiya is Doctor!

Pan: He thrusts a vicious jab of the knives at Kurama-seishi!

Kurama fans: IYYAAA!!!

Kurama howls in pain.

Kurama: [holding his tail and kissing it fervently] My beautiful tail...HOW DARE YOU STAB IT! OMAE WA KOROSU! [I'LL KILL YOU!]

Pan: Kurama-seishi changed into youko in the nick of time!

Rurouni: Doctor-seishi missed! Uhm...almost...

Kuwabara: Hey, what about me?

Yuusuke: Shut up, you imbecile!

Pan: Now let's go over to the Sensui team and see what new strategies they've come up with...eh? What's this?

Rurouni: The Sensui-team are taking drugs?!

Sensui: This is an anti-laughter pill...

Kurama: Ore o okoraseta tsumi wa omoi!! [The price for angering me is heavy!!]

Rurouni: Kurama-seishi walks towards Doctor Kamiya-seishi!

Pan: He pauses!

Rurouni: He looks around, he trips, he falls back into Shuuichi shape!

Kurama: *moan* I'll get Hiei for this later...

Yuusuke: Kurama!

Rurouni: Kamiya-seishi refuses to give up!

Pan: Hiei-seishi...

Hiei: Don't come any closer.

Yuusuke: Yeh! This time, my Rei Gan will not be on the ball...

Kamiya: But I was only trying to cure the little redhead...

Yuusuke: We don't need your help!

Rurouni: The clock strikes! The match starts again!

Pan: The Urameshi Team is on the Team... [Rurouni: I don't get it, what exactly is Pan trying to say?]

Rurouni: *whispers* I wonder how Kurama is...

Pan: Hey, pay attention!

Rurouni: HAI! What's this, the Sensui Team is not here yet!

Sensui: BWHAHAHAHAHAH! One anti-laughter pill wasn't enough...

Itsuki: [looking dead serious] I took 3. It works just fine.

Sensui: Ok minna! Everybody take 3! Action!

Pan: Aha! Here's comes the Sensui team. My my, aren't they looking serious though?

Rurouni: Hai. If looks could kill...

Hiei: The Sensui team would be lying six feet underground now. NEVER underestimate the power of my JAGAN!

Rurouni: That wasn't what I meant! [Hiei glares at her.] Uhm...never mind.

Pan: Round 2! DING DING DING Hajime!

Rurouni: Round 2? Hey, this isn't a wrestling match you know?

Pan: Who cares?!

Rurouni: And the match begins anew! Kick-off!

Pan:Wow! Look at the Urameshi team go! KOENMA-SAMA!!! GO FOR THE GOAL!!! [Rurouni bonks Pan's head. Mini-Botans flies on mini-oars around Pan's head.]

Rurouni: We have Koenma-sama hogging the ball now! He's not letting anyone near it, not even his own teammates!

Kuwabara: PLEASE! I BEG OF YOU!!! PASS ME THE BALL! I WANT IT! I NEED IT! Without it, my YUKINA-SAN will never get to see my true prowess!!!

Koenma: Oh please! Spare me! We've already seen your 'true prowess'. You did score a goal within the last 5 minutes of the match before halftime. For the opponent. No way I'm letting you near this ball. [Koenma hugs ball fiercely, in a protective gesture.]

Rurouni: And we have a foul! [Flashes yellow card.]

Koenma: ~splutters~ But but but...

Sensui: Hey! It's supposed to be a penalty!

Yuusuke: Do you KNOW how to play soccer, Sensui?

Sensui: *snarls* OF COURSE!

Rurouni: Ugh oh, the situation looks desperate here... the field is churning with reiki, youki and an unknown ki coming out from Sensui-seishi...

Pan: Free kick to Sensui team...

Rurouni: Sensui has invented his own soccer ball! Headquarters! What do we do now?

Pan: News coming from the headquarters... PLAY ON!

Urameshi Team: WHAT?!?!

Rurouni: The ball heads straight for goal!

Pan: And it's a... NO GOAL!

Koenma: Ehehehe, compensation for what I dragged you guys into just now.

Seaman: ...

Rurouni: Koenma takes over as goalkeeper! He keeps Sensui's weird ki footballs out with a sort of invisible shield!

Pan: It's a Fuumakan Kekkai! GO KOENMA!

Rurouni: *knocks Pan on her head*

Hiei: I am TOTALLY pissed! Jaou Ensatsu... MPRHGHLFFFF... !!!

Rurouni: Hiei seishi is wrapped up in vines!

Kurama: You don't Kokuryuuha the entire stadium just because you're pissed, Hiei. ROSE WHIP!

Kuwabara: Watch where your whip's going, Kurama!

Kurama: Sorry, still having double vision. Kagon... Retsuzan Shi!

Rurouni: Kurama seishi whips the football! Miraculously, the football is not cut into half!

Pan: It goes sailing... sailing...

Kurama: Fuka, Enbu Jin!!


Kurama: Sorry!

Rurouni: Kurama seishi runs through all of Sensui Team's defences with a thousand rose petals protecting him!

Itsuki: You'll never get through my portal!

Kurama: Oh yeh? *kicks the ball*

Rurouni: It sails!

Pan: Go... GOAAAAAL!!!

Itsuki: Impossible! I set the portal... *turns around* WHAT??? Where's the goalpost?

Kurama: Heheheheheh...

Yuusuke: It moved! It moved out of range from the portal! ALL RIGHT KURAMA!

Rurouni: The Sensui team is STUNNED!

Sniper: Hey hey! Now's not the time to get stunned! Kurama, you glory-hogger! Eat my dice!

Pan: Sniper sends a dozen dices flying at Kurama seishi! Kurama-seishi falters, could it be the added effect of Hiei-seishi's weight and the extensive use of his youki earlier on in moving the goal post with his plants.

Rurouni: Whatever it is, the dices completely miss Kurama-seishi as he falls to the ground.

Kurama: Ouch, my head, Hiei, I swear, when this match is over, you're going to be eating nothing but carrots for the rest of your youkai life.

Kuwabara:[mental image of Hiei with bunny ears] BWAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!! Hiei is a bunny wabbit!

Yuusuke: Stop laughing, you moronic fool, get the ball!

Itsuki: Don't worry! I've got it... SENSUI! Coming at ya!

Sensui: Hai! I've got it!

Pan: Yuusuke-seishi rushes over to tackle Sensui-seishi!

Rurouni: Sensui-seishi crumples to the ground holding his ankle.

Pan: Injury! Medic!

Koenma: He's feigning injury!

Rurouni: Red card for Yuusuke-seishi?

Pan: No. Penalty kick!

Rurouni: Only goal-keeper Seaman-seishi is guarding the goalpost. What is the rest of the Urameshi team doing?

Pan: Taking a break at the side of the field! Hey hey!

Yuusuke: Daijoubu! Seaman can handle it!

Kuwabara: Seaman! Ganbatte! I WILL ALWAYS SUPPORT YOU!

Yukina: Here have some Milo. I specially made it for all of you!

Kuwabara: AHAHA! YOU MADE IT FOR ME YuKiNa-SaN!!! AHAHA! I'll finish the entire flask for you!

Hiei: [snatches the flask away] She made it for ALL of USSSSSS!

Yuusuke: Yeeow…Hiei…careful where you aim your spittle…


Botan: [addresses readers] Minna-san! Milo is good! It contains all the vitamins and necessary minerals to keep one healthy. Remember! Drink a mug of Milo before sleeping every night and just after you wake up every morning!


Pan: Sensui kicks! The soccer ball splits into a dozen...NO TWO DOZEN balls heading for the Urameshi goal! Eh, what's this?

Rurouni: Seaman-seishi just raised a wall of water at the goalpost, no ball can enter!

Yuusuke: Told you he could handle it!

Kuwabara: GO SEAMAN!

Koenma: Hey. Relax! The game's going to be over soon!

Hiei: Hn. There's still half an hour to go.

Koenma: Don't forget. I make up the rules here...just another couple of minutes...

Rurouni: The situation looks flurried... what's this? A tornedo?

Pan: Looks like some youkai is on the arrival...


Yuusuke: JIN!

Jin: We heard Genkai said you guys were kicking it out with Sensui, just came to support you...

Touya: (whispers) And be of any help, if you want to...

Yuusuke: *winks*

Jin: *winks*

Rurouni: The Urameshi team has finished their milo!

Pan: They're back on the field... the score now for the second half, is 1-0 to the Urameshi team!

Rurouni: Kick off center court to the Sensui team! Sensui dribbles the ball, he cuts through the Urameshi team's tight defences...

Pan: Kuwabara-seishi stands in front of Sensui!

Kuwabara: YUUUUUKINA-SAAAAN! Here, let otoko Kuwabara show you the real actions of a man on the field!

Rurouni: Kuwabara-seishi brandishes his dimensional cutting sword!

Pan: He hacks!

Rurouni: He misses!

Pan: And he falls into the dimension hole he has cut!

Yuusuke: Kuwabara!

Kurama: This is not good, not good...

Hiei: Hn. The day looks brighter now that the idiot's gone.

Rurouni: Yuusuke-seishi takes charge of the situation!

Pan: Kurama-seishi on the receiving end...

Rurouni: Koenma-seishi's cloak hides the ball from view...

Pan: Hiei-seishi with the ball...

Hiei: ...

Yuusuke: Hiei! What're you waiting for?

Hiei: ...

Kurama: HIEI!

Hiei: Shut up! What am I supposed to do with this... this... oversized tear gem!

Koenma: YOU KICK IT!

Yuusuke: And it's not an oversized tear gem!


Hiei: Hn. Doesn't look anything like a foot.

Rurouni: Hiei-seishi hesitates!

Pan: And... and...

Rurouni: Sniper-seishi snatches the ball! He passes it to Gourmet-seishi, who... who...


Itsuki: GOOURMET!!!!

Pan: OOPS! Anyone has a spare ball?

Hiei: I have a teargem...but I'm not letting you kick it around like a kitsune on a chain!

Kurama: WHAT?! Hiei...I'll...

Rurouni: OK! The judges say, "NO BALL! NO GAME!" The game cannot carry on without a ball so...

Pan: The whistle blows!

Rurouni: The game is over! The score is 1-0. Victory to the Urameshi team!

Pan: Will the team leader please come over and claim your Milo Cup from our guest-of-honour, Botan-dono.

Koenma: WHAT?! Why not me! I'm the son of Enma Daiou! Botan's just my lapdog!

Rurouni: You're one of the players, you cannot be a guest-of-honour, so we've decided to delicate the honour to your second-in-command!

George: [in tears] But I'm his second-in-command!

Pan: Your appearance would scare all our sponsors away so...

Yuusuke: What?! A puny buy-one-get-one-free Milo Cup after all our hardwork?!

Rurouni: Times are hard, my boy! Be glad you even got a cup!

Pan: Economy downturn! Any more complaints and we'll replace your Milo cup with a Paper cup!

Sensui team: [beating up on Gourmet] GOURMET! You're dead! Finished! Bye-bye! Mincemeat! Snake-chow!

Gourmet: I swear! A gust of wind blew it into my mouth! Really! Honest! NOOO!!!! AAAARRRGGGHHHH!!!!!

Jin: Heheheh…

The End.

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