A lone lone figure in a dark dark robe sat in a tiny tiny room staring at a pretty pretty picture, running his fingers through his black black hair as he did so. He put the picture down, picked up a small small little parcel and started tying a pink pink ribbon on it.
Lone lone figure: Ah... my lovely Kurama... What do I have here? A sweet sweet little little present made just for you by my own little little hands. A tiny tiny reward for all the pain you have caused me. [insert maniacal laughter of your choice in the background]
Meanwhile young Kindaichi was taking a nice walk along the streets with Miyuki...
Kindaichi: Hmm... it's a bit cold today.
Miyuki: Why don't you wear the pullover that I sewed for you?
Kindaichi: It's ok, it's not that cold.
Miyuki: Kindaichi, is there something wrong with the pullover?
Kindaichi: Eh? N-no... it's fine.
Miyuki: Did I get the size wrong again? But I'm quite sure I have the measurements right... you must have grown fatter...
Suddenly, there was an explosion just across the street.
Both Kindaichi and Miyuki stared unbelievably towards the explosion. For a moment, Miyuki was stunned beyond words until Kindaichi started to run across the street and barked at her at the same time.
Kindaichi: Call the police... quick!
Kindaichi dashed across the street, only to see a totally burnt body being engulfed in a hugh ball of flames. Everybody, including Kindaichi, had a disgusted look on their face. The body was badly burnt, way beyond recognisable stage. Though the body was badly burnt, it was still obvious that the deceased's mouth was wide open when he died, as if he was suffering from very severe shock. Kindaichi looked around, and noticed a dark lone figure running off into an alley across the street. Before he could react, he heard a familiar yet irritating voice behind him.
[Rurouni: Wah! What did you do to my poor poor Kurama!!! No face even?! No hair?!]
“You really make a good jinx, don't you?” Kindaichi turned around, and
noticed the familiar tall, thin figure in an expensive looking blue suit.
It was none other than Akechi.
Kindaichi: What?! Miyuki? Of all people you called Akechi?!
Akechi: Wrong detective. I tracked you, I know a case would blow up in my face if I followed you long enough. You are such a wonderfully predictable jinx.
Passers-by: Hey, you two! You're cops aren't you? Then stop bantering and get down to business!!! There's a dead body right next to you!
Kindaichi: Right! I saw a figure running off in that direction. [points to alley across street]
Akechi: Well it's too late to give chase now. Don't you worry, I'll handle this case.
[Note: Rurouni was too blur to realise that Kindaichi would have run after the figure he saw right away.]
Akechi: I can't believe I got stuck with you for this case.
Kindaichi: The feeling's mutual. You're aren't exactly my ideal partner either.
Akechi: Just my luck that we were both present at the scene of the crime.
Kindaichi: No, just our luck that blur Rurouni thought we were both cops. Anyway, just get on with what you're supposed to do.
Akechi: [looking up form his notebook] So you're the deceased best friends?
Kuwabara: What deceased?! Kurama has a name, damn you!
Yuusuke: [pokes Kuwabara] It's Minamino Shuuichi, you idiot!
Akechi: [sighs] Look, your friend's dead and the two of you are arguing over his pet names? Ok, tell me what enemies do you think your friend, Shuuichi has? Who would want him dead? Did he offend anyone?
Kuwabara: How should we know? He must have offend the whole of Makai when he was running around as the legendary bandit, Youko Kurama.
Yuusuke: [hisses] Kuwabara!!! [to Akechi] Sorry, my friend's extremely upset. Shuuichi's always been the perfect son, the perfect student, top in his school and all that. He's very popular with his classmates, I don't see who would-
Kindaichi: [to Kuwabara] Would anyone want to kill him with a bomb?
Yuusuke: [hisses] You idiot!
Kuwabara : (realizing his mistake) Erm...I dunno...there's no such person... I had too much to drink... erm... I think I need to go... see you some other time.
With that, Kuwabara drags Yuusuke and leaves.
Kindaichi : Wait....
Akechi : (holds him back) forget it. Let them leave.
Kindaichi : Shit....they must be hiding something from us.
Akechi : Isn't that obvious? Even my grandmother knows that.
Kindaichi : Get your grandmother to solve the case then. By the way, where is Kenmochi. How come I don't see him around?
Akechi : He's in Singapore with his wife and kids, enjoying their summer holidays I guess...
Kindaichi : That guy sure knows how to enjoy man. So what do you suggest we do now?
Akechi : Dunno...you're the supposedly more intelligent one here, and the lead character of the story. You even have the whole bloody comic book named after you. So why not you tell me what to do?
Kindaichi : What the...
Just then, Miyuki enters with a cop.
Cop : [to Akechi] Sir, I...
Miyuki : (interrupts) Kindaichi !!! I know who's the murderer already! All the mysteries have been solved!
Kindaichi and Akechi looked at her in disbelief. For a moment, both were left dumbstruck, only Miyuki had an excited expression.
Kindaichi : So who do you think it was?
Miyuki : Its Sadako!
Kindaichi : Sadako? Sounds familiar..let me think...no she's not the chick from "Speed", no she's not that actress from "GTO", no she's not that striptease....aye, who the hell is she? And why is she the murderer?
Akechi : [ trying very very very very hard not to laugh] Sadako is that ghost from "The Ring" you dumbo...IQ 180 some more...
Miyuki : Exactly! The deceased must have watched the videotape and got killed by Sadako! Notice the expression on his face? Its exactly like those others killed by Sadako...
Akechi and Kindaichi stare hard at each other, kept silent for a moment, and began to "faint"...
Kindaichi: Miyuki, for heaven's sake, please tell me something I can believe..ok...
Akechi : Kindaichi... I think you passed your idiotic virus to her...[to the cop], yah..what do you have for me?
Cop: We found this under the body. [hands Akechi a bright red rose]
Akechi : You sure you found this under the body?
Cop : Very sure, Sir.
Akechi : You may go now.
Cop : Yes sir.
Akechi stares hard at the flower, and free falls onto the couch behind him. He turned to looked at Kindaichi, whose face by then had turned faint and white.
Kindaichi : its Gaoyuan isn't it? (sorry, Chunchun is so toobid that he has no idea how to translate the bloody name into Jap....Chun to Seimaru : Why can't you give me an easier name...u bloody idiot...)
Akechi : He's back...Gaoyuan Yaoyi is back...
Miyuki : [whose face is as faint as them] You mean that magician?......
Kindaichi : Great. I'm gonna nab him...once and for all!
Meanwhile, in a tiny tiny room, a lone lone figure in dark dark robe is talking to the dark dark phone.
Figure: I did a good job today, didn't I?
The other party on the phone (let's call him X) : U sure did, you're on the news on every channel, even Cartoon Network...
Figure : Cartoon network?
X : Yah....seems like that stupid Rurouni and Chunchun sold the story to Cartoon Network.
Figure : Bloody hell, I'm gonna kill them man...
X : That can wait...but first you must kill the people I wanted you
to kill. I want my revenge..I want to let them know I am the
greatest...Especially that guy, I find happiness in cheating people, while he finds happiness in exposing people. He's my greatest and only enemy...but I want everyone around him dead.
Figure : You got it.
The lone lone figure puts down the dark dark receiver of the dark dark phone back to the dark dark phone. (huh?....Chun conk oreadi ah...so wordy..)He takes a photo from the table and smiles at it before drawing a big cross on it with a red marker. It was Miyuki's photo.
Meanwhile, Kindaichi and Akechi visits Yuusuke and Kuwabara again to investigate Kurama's death.
Yuusuke: [in a whisper to Kuwabara] You shut up this time. You almost gave the game away the last time.
Kuwabara: [whispers back] But I'm sure it was Karasu. Who else would want to bomb Kurama up?
Yuusuke: [whispers to Kuwabara] Yeah, try telling them that a youkai [demon] was trying to kill a youko-ningen [fox demon-human] hybrid. They'll probably call the men in white. Besides Karasu is a dead duck. Kurama killed him during the Ankoku Bujuutsukai [Dark Tournament].
Kuwabara: Yah, but do you know who's writing this fic?
Yuusuke: The two bakas[stupid] Chunchun and Rurouni.
Kuwabara: Then you should know how much Rurouni likes Karasu, for all you know she might have resurrected him and...
Akechi: If the 2 gentlemen have finished talking amongst themselves, can we start?
Akechi: Tell us everything you know about Karasu or anyone or anything else.
Yuusuke: Hmm.. Kurama's a good kid. Karasu? Who's Karasu?
Kindaichi: Nice try. I thought you just said Karasu was a demon who'd love Kurama?
Kuwabara: [squacks] You were eavesdropping!
Yuusuke: [elbows Kuwabara] When did I ever say that?
Kindaichi: It is our procedure to use a highly sensitive mic to record all questioning sessions. [takes out tape recorder and presses the playback button]
Tape Recorder: [in chipmunk-like voice that is faintly recognisable as Yuusuke's] Yeah, try telling them that a youkai was trying to kill a youko-ningen hybrid. They'll probably call the men in white. Besides Karasu is a dead duck. Kurama killed him during the Ankoku Bujuutsukai.
Kindaichi: If we promise not to call in the men in white, will you tell us the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth?
Kuwabara: Promise? Cross your heart and hope the die.
Akeshi: Sorry, not interested. I'm in the prime of my life, don't want to die so soon.
Yuusuke: Shucks! They probably wouldn't believe a word we say anyway. Ok, I'll tell you but I'll kill you if you laugh.
Kindaichi: Go ahead.
Yuusuke: It's a long story.
Akechi: We've got time.
Yuusuke: Kurama used to be a youko from Makai[demon world]. He got killed and his soul escaped into Ningenkai [human world], into Minamino Shiori's unborn child, so he was reborn as Minamino Shuuichi. Recently we took part in a Ankoku Bujuutsukai, a tournament to the death. Karasu was one of Kurama's opponent. Karasu's a real sicko! He likes Kurama and he has this unhealthy hobby of destroying anything that he likes. Well, Karasu is a youkai with the power to create bombs, so we suspect that he might have crawled out from the grave and murdered Kurama.
Kuwabara: Yah, Kurama probably didn't get his Rose Whip out in time...
Kindaichi: Rose? Rose whip?
Kuwabara: Yah, Kurama has the power to control plants. His favourite weapon is a rose whip.
Kindaichi: Ok... thank you very much for your time.
Akechi: Is there any other suspect you can think of? Any other people who would want Kurama dead?
Kuwabara: What about Yomi?
Akechi: [looks interested] Yomi? Who is he? What's his address?
Kuwabara: Do you want his phone number and three sizes too? So impatient! Yomi rules a third of Makai. He used to work under Kurama when Kurama was still running around in Makai as the legendary bandit thief. But Kurama had an assassin finish Yomi off because Yomi was so brash and impulsive that he made a lot of blunders. The assassination attempt failed. I guessed Kurama should have paid a bit more and got a better assassin. Yomi lived but was blinded for life.
Kindaichi: So, this Yomi has a motive and is still alive?
Kuwabara: Yeah, that happened about 1000 years ago but we just saw Yomi recently. He even has a cute little son called Shura now.
Kindaichi: Can you tell me the physical description of Karasu and Yomi?
Kuwabara: Well, both have long black hair. That's all I can remember.
Akechi: Thank you very much, you've been extremely helpful.
Akechi drags Kindaichi out of the house.
Kindaichi: So what do you think?
Akechi: I think they're in seriously need of some mental aid. They're obviously having us on! They just told us a load of crap. I don't buy it.
Kindaichi: The figure I saw in the alley had black hair...
Akechi: The alley is full of shadows, ANYONE you see there will have black hair. What about this recent murder then? The one with the red rose? Don't tell me you think Kurama's crawled out of the grave like Karasu and seeked vengeance upon all of mankind by scaring them to death?
Kindaichi: Hmm.. good point...
Kindaichi: We have to be more open-minded.
Akechi: [feels Kindaichi's forehead] What 's wrong with you today? You're not yourself at all...
Kindaichi: Tell me, Akechi..would you rather to go against Gaoyuan or some monster from hell?
Akechi: I guess i'll choose Gaoyuan, at least we know him..
Kindaichi: True...How bout visiting Yomi and Shura and see what they have to tell us.
Akechi: Whatever you say, its your comic anyway. [walks off]
Kindaichi: wat the !@#!$#$%#%$&^**&(*%&%$^@$!$!@$!45
Rurouni: Hey! Idiot Chun! You released the shift key too early!!!
Meanwhile, Miyuki walks home from the police station alone.
Miyuki: Stupid Hajime, never even bother the see me home..make me go home alone...just run off like that....idiot Hajime, IDIOT IDIOT IDIOT IDIOT!!!!! AND CHUN!!!STOP MAKING ME REPEAT THE SAME WORD!!!
Chun: [looking up blurly with saliva on his lips and eyes half closed] huh?oh sorrie...me very tired....I'll let you say something else now...
Miyuki: hmph!....guys are all idiots! Idiot Hajime, idiot Akechi, idiot Chun... (CAN YOU FOR HEAVEN'S SAKE TYPE SOMETHING DIFFERENT FOR ME TO SAY!!!)
Chun: [frantically checking the dictionary] eh?
As Miyuki was complaining, she did not notice a lone lone figure behind her. This figure has been following her for quite some time already. Finally, he puts his hand on her shoulder and...
Half an hour later, in a mos burger outlet nearby...
Miyuki: Idiot Ryutai (Chun: oops....my vocab's kinda limited..hee~) Must you scare me like that?
Ryutai: Hee~ Senior Nanase, how would I know you will have such a huuuuuuuuuuuuuuuge reaction...hee....but then again...u look kinda cute u noe..I've got the whole process on V8..u wanna watch?
Miyuki: Stop teasing me!!! U idiot! (Chun decides to buy a new dictionary...)
As Miyuki and Ryutai were having lunch, they failed to realize yet another lone lone figure sitting at the corner of the outlet staring straight at them...
Meanwhile, Akechi and Kindaichi managed (dun ask me how) to find Yomi
Rurouni: Ok, I'll type the how.
Akechi: So, we're looking for a big youkai daddy and little youkai son now?
Kindaichi: Based on the information that we gathered from Yuusuke and Kuwabara, that seems to be our best course of action.
Akechi: Sure, while we're at it I suppose we can go to Reikai [Spirit World where all souls get "processed" in a manner of speaking] and ask Enma Daiou to release Kurama for a short while so that we can ask him who his murderer is? That'll save us a lot of trouble.
Kindaichi: You're... mocking me, aren't you?
Akechi: Oh nonononono... LOOK KIN! A YOUKAI!!! [points behind Kindaichi]
Kindaichi: [turning instantly] WHERE?!
Shura: Right here.
Akechi face faults. Yomi appears soon after.
Yomi: Shura, don't run off like that!
Shura: I want that toy and you're too stingy to get it for me!
Yomi: But that's not a toy, that's Spiderman!
Rurouni: Spiderman? What the heck is he doing here! Somebody get the floor manager to haul him off the set! Chun! Move it!
(Chun: I know I'm not suppose to appear here since Rurouni is the one writing...but I wanna PROTEST!!!!WHY EVERYTHING I DO ONE! BOO HOO HOO.......)
Rurouni: That's what you're here for, now move it!
Akechi: Ano... I suppose you are Shura and Yomi?
Shura: Of course you baka! What did you expect?!
Yomi: Forgive my son, he's still young...
Kindaichi: That's ok. We were just looking for you...
Shura: We know baka!
Rurouni: What's with all the bakas?!
Yomi: I'm so sorry. Shura saw someone using that manner of speech earlier and has decided to adopt it for the rest of the day.
Akechi: Hmm... he's a young and impressionable kid.
Shura: BAKA BAKA BAKA BAKA BAKA!!! I'M NOT A BAKA KID YOU BAKA!!! I'M THE SECOND BEST YOUKAI IN MAKAI!!! NOT SOME DUMB BAKA BAKA BAKA BABY GOAT!!! COWER IN FEAR YOU BAKAAAAAAAAAASSSSSSSSSSSS!
Rurouni: Hmm... try a little more originality... repetitions get very tedious... especially for my poor fingers.
Shura: It's not a repetition, it's called reinforcement, you bakayarou!
Rurouni: Most impressive. That's a slight improvement.
Yomi: Shura, you really need to work on those vocabulary exercises that I set out for you.
Kindaichi: I understand you're all youkais, so I won't bother to ask how you found us. We need your help.
Shura: Obviously, you bakas can't do anything right without my Papa!
Kindaichi: Do you know Kurama?
Shura: That's the most baka question I've ever heard! Of course we know him. He was Papa's second in command and he defunct and ran off with Yuusuke instead.
Akechi: Ran off? As in eloped?
Shura: ARGH!!! Baka Ru-chan is thinking of baka yaoi thoughts again!!!
Rurouni: You keep quiet or I'll fix you up with Papa Smurf.
Akechi: So, you're saying that you have a motive for killing Kurama?
Yomi: More than one actually. He caused me to lose my sight, betrayed me and tried to finish me off when I was his second in command while he was playing the great bandit, Youko Kurama. He betrayed my trust again and sided with Yuusuke instead of me. But I can't be bothered with him now. Shura gives me enough problems.
Yomi: How many times must I tell you not to interrupt when I'm talking?
Shura: But Pa..
Yomi: Zip it
Yomi: Zip It
Yomi: ZIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPIPIPIPIPIPIPIPIPIPI IT
Shura: Baka..do something to...
Yomi: asddfdgfhghjyhtfgfdgfhgjyks subtitles: zip it
Shura sulks and walks off to play on his own
Akechi: [shakes head] OK, let's get on with things. May I know what were you doing this morning between 10 am to 12 noon?
Yomi: I took Shura to the movies...he kept pestering me..said he wanted to watch that Kindaichi movie...
Kindaichi: My movie? You mean that one shot in Shanghai? It could have been better, I was telling that director...
(Chun: Kindaichi! SHUT UP AND STICK TO THE SCRIPT YOU @##$#%^$%&!!!)
Akechi: Can anyone prove your alibi?
Yomi: Not that I can think of... I mean..there are thousands of people at the cinema...how can anyone remember me?
Kindaichi: That shows how popular I am..
Akechi stares hard at him again. Kindaichi just sticks his tongue and looks away...
Akechi: Anyway, thanks for your help. We appreciate it. I assume er..anytime we need you, you'll be around? So I don't have to ask for your pager number or something?
Shura: Dumbos! You think we needed stupid beepers like you bakas? We're much more intelligent to use those stupid gadgets that always vibrate at the wrong time!
Yomi: Shut up Shura! You're getting more and more impolite!
Akechi: Erm..I think we better get going. Thanks anyway.
Akechi shakes Yomi's hand and walks off with Kindaichi towards his BMW.
Akechi: I get my boys to check out with the cinema. Meanwhile, I want to do some checking up on Gaoyuan's file again. You want to come along?
Kindaichi: What for?
Akechi: You'll know.
(Real reason: I haven thought of what to write. You can focus on the YYH characters first while I think bout it)
Yomi: Hmm... it would appear that Kurama has meet with some difficulties?
Shura: Papa? Shall we investigate? I don't trust those bakas!
Yomi: This has nothing to do with us anyway.
Shura: But it'll be soooo fun! Please Papa!!! Say you promise or I'll blow up this entire city!
Yomi: I couldn't care less, it's not MY city... but since I have nothing better to do anyway...
Shura: Yah! We can put an end to this lousy parody! Those 2 bakas writers are getting nowhere!
Yomi and Shura goes investigating. They capture and send all possible suspects to Akechi and Kindaichi. When Akechi and Kindaichi gets back to the police station...
Puny Police 1: Akechi-san! There's an influx of prisoners... we don't have enough cells...
Akechi: Go grow some more then!
Puny Police 2: They all have something to do with the recent murders...
Puny Police 3: Akechi-san, we found another body... it's being identified as Sasaki Ryutai, aged 15... cause of death... poisoned by plants.
Kindaichi: Why am I so quiet?
Rurouni: Oops! I forgot about you...
Meanwhile, in Reikai...
Koenma: Wah! Why so many people die all of a sudden?! So much work for me!
Rurouni: Stop complaining... my fingers are dropping off after all this typing whereas all you need to do is stamp "PROCESSED" on some tiny bits of paper...
Botan: Koenma-sama! Yomi and Shura just stormed into Reikai and kidnapped a couple of dangerous youkais.
Koenma: What the?! Names... give me names!
Botan: Karasu, Kuronue...
Back at the police station...
Puny Police 4: Akechi-san! There are some people here to see you...
Yomi: Hi! We meet again. I've brought in some likely suspects for you...
Shura: Papa brought in Karasu and Kuronue! Ain't he great?! Much much more efficient than you bakas...
Kindaichi: Uhmm... thank you very much... but I thought Karasu is dead?
Shura: So? Big deal! So is Kuronue! Papa took them out from Reikai.
Akechi: Sorry, we don't do dead souls. That's not our department...
Kindaichi: Wait! It's related to our case! You can't just say it's not your department...
Akechi: Thank you for your kind aid... we'll take over now. You may leave now...
Yomi: Are you sure you want me to? You have 2 very powerful youkais here right now...
Shura: Yah! None of your dweebs can handle them!
Rurouni: Hmm.. Dweebs? That's new...
Karasu: What the heck is this?
Kuronue: Shut up... stop screaming in my ears. Bad enough I get stuck with you in one of Ru-chan's fic... now this... Ru-chan, can't you leave the dead in peace?!
Rurouni: Sorry, too much potential left to waste if I leave you in peace.
Karasu: Protest protest! I'm going to complaining to the Worker's Union! I'm on dead leave and you still pull me into a fic! How come I appear in almost all your fics?!
Kuronue: And I'll complain to the SPCAC!
Kuronue: Society of Prevention of Cruelty to Anime Characters...
Akechi: I think that dumb writer forgot about us again...
Kindaichi: Since you're all here I might as well ask you a few questions... Where were you this morning from 10-12?
Karasu: Me? Roasting my butt off in Hell for trying to murder Kurama!
Akechi: So you murdered Kurama...
Karasu: Don't you read mangas? I tried to kill Kurama in the original comic series....not in this stupid parody...
Kindaichi: [grabs Karasu by the hair] So did you, or did you not, kill Kurama?
Karasu: I told you! I was in hell! How do you expect me to kill him? If I had been able to sneak out and kill him, do you think I'll still be staying there and letting the fire fry my butt?!!!!!!!
Akechi: I get your point...
Yomi: [to Shura] I think Chun has forgotten about us...
Akechi: Well I haven't...Yomi, you better get all these people..I mean..youkais away from the station? They are taking too much space!!!
Shura: Don't you dare talk to my Papa like that you ungrateful...
A cop enters and interrupts Shura..
Cop: Sorry to interrupt, but Akechi-san....Ryutai's body is still left unattended and you are supposed to be the IO...
Akechi: Shit, I forgot all about it! Kindaichi, he's your friend, why aren't you doing anything?
Kindaichi: It's just a fanfic what, its not even official...I'll still get to see him when the new issue of "The Jikembo Of Kindaichi" is out next month...
Akechi: Nonsense...Get going now...
Kuronue: Hey!!....Damn...waste my time...
Karasu: My sentiments exactly...
Shura: Ungrateful brats
Yomi: Waste my effort
(that was a hell of an anti climax.....but 'I'm not a great hollywood director, so I don't care' quote from Glenn Oei)
Meanwhile, in a back alley of Tokyo, a bunch of policemen were standing in the rain and crowding over a corpse.
Akechi: Make way...I'm the IO....
Akechi and Kindaichi made their way through the crowd and see Ryutai's corpse. He face was badly twisted and his face was all black. (Chun: Viva my imagination!!!)
Beside the corpse, Kindaichi saw a familiar face.
Kindaichi: Rurouni...what are you doing here? shouldn't you be sitting behind the computer typing the script?
(Chun: Script? What script? I'M the one doing it ok...)
Akechi: Yah...what are you doing here? and what are you doing to Ryutai's body?
Chun: All the coroners are on leave. Takeshi-san is in Taiwan (stuck in earthquake?), Dr Pan is in Singapore (too busy baking bread?) and Shoji-san is in Hong Kong (at the A-Mei concert?. I couldn't find anybody...so hee hee...sorry to make you do the dirty job, Rurouni....
Rurouni: I'll kill you for this...you just watch out...
Akechi: Shut up you both...how did Ryutai die?
Rurouni: Plant poisoning?
Kindaichi: Huh? What the hell is that?
Rurouni: Don't you read mangas?! Or even the newspapers? Plant poisoning is a case whereas a silly human take for example Chun gets poisoned by a plant... Case study: Chun feels hungry, so Chun grabs the first fruit he sees and start eating it [not a very smart thing to do by the way, but since we're talking about Chun, anything is possible...] It turns out the the fruit is a pong pong so Chun gets poisoned by the fruit. Get it? Anyway, that load of crap is irrelevant to the fic...
Chun: Why me?......I NEVER eat fruits...Rurouni...You know that...
Karasu: Well, Ru-chan's always full of crap anyway...
Rurouni: Come again?
Karasu: Eto... nothing... Ru-chan's the best fic-writer and LIAC-owner I can have...
Rurouni: That's more like it.
Chun: buay hiao bai...
Karasu: By the way, ... [starts whispering in Ru-chan's ear] So it's agreed? I can go ahead with it?
Rurouni: Sure, why not?
Karasu goes over to Kindaichi and smiles sweetly...
Rurouni : Eww... cut it out Karasu, you're not made to smile sweetly...
Karasu: But I'm sick of always smiling sinisterly...
Rurouni: Too bad... it's called life. And life's never fair...
Rurouni's sis: You're going to let Karasu do whatever he likes?! You bad bad girl...
Chun: My sentiments exactly
Akechi: Can we get back to the main fic instead of reading private conversations between you and one of your favourite anime characters?
Kindaichi: Oh... so he died of plant poisoning...
Karasu: Yah and you're going to be worse off... there won't even be a body left for Ru-chan to identity you when I'm done with you...
Kuronue: Excuse me? What am I doing here?
Rurouni: Looking pretty?
Kuronue: Fair enough... but don't I get more excitement in this parody?
Rurouni: Ok, you can help to create some fog to hide Karasu and censor his upcoming violent act...
Kuronue starts creating dense fog...
Kuronue: Hmm... this fog smells funny... ok own up... who broke wind?!
Everyone looks innocent.
Shura: Papa... I need to go!
Yomi: Uhm... ok, let's go...
The pair hurriedly makes their exit...
Kuronue: Phew! Hey, you over there! Akechi right? Better check and see if Shura left any marbles behind...
Akechi: Eh? Marbles?
Kuronue: Never mind... looks like Yomi and son managed to take all other youkais with them too... and forgot about me and Karasu... hmm... most impressive...
Akechi: Speaking of which... where's-
Karasu laughs maniacally in the background?
Kuronue: Done? Ok, Chun, you owe me $5,786 for the dry ice...
Kuronue: Hey did you think I could really create fog?! Use your common sense! I'm just an under paid secondary actor!
Chun: You're not getting a cent from me. I'm just an underpaid scriptwriter who gets abused and scolded and insulted all the time. I just work here man, I'm not a loser who's here to be abused by you idiots out there. Let me repeat myself again. YOU AIN'T GETTING A SINGLE CENT FROM ME!!! IF YOU WANT MONEY, GO LOOK FOR RUROUNI, SHE'S THE PRODUCER ANYWAY...
Rurouni: Excuse me? I'm just an underpaid coroner here.
Karasu: Are all of you ignoring me? I just laughed maniacally!
Akechi: So? Big deal... Money matters are of utmost priority.
Rurouni: Eto... he just blew Kindaichi to bits...
Chun: [hysterical] What?! How could you?! He's a lead character!!!!!
Karasu: He pulled my hair... he deserved a fate worse then death. Blowing him up with easy on him.
Kuronue: What? You gave him a free blowjob?
Karasu: Surely you joke? I have better taste than that. I blew him up... literally... he's gone to Kingdom Come...
Rurouni: Quit it, people, there are children reading this...
Kuronue: Sorry I forgot, even one of the writer is underaged...
Chun: I'm not that underaged...for all you know...Rurouni...I may be more experience than you are...oops...
Rurouni: Shut up...underage means underage.....facts are facts...
Chun: [still delirious] Ah... my Kindaichi... how can I write without him? He's the light of my fic-writing life....
Rurouni: Geez... someone stop him from mooning all over the script...
Akechi: You could bring Kindaichi back... that would help...
Kuronue: Do you need his help in solving the case?
Akechi: Me? Of course not! I can very well solve the case on my own... I'm just afriad that Chun might ruin the script in his depression...
Rurouni: Hmm... good point, Chun has never been very stable anyway...
Chun: I beg to differ....I'm so stable that I never fall...
Rurouni: Oh really? Who almost got knocked down by cars 4 times, tripped over the stairs and walked into a drain, overshot his bus stop, forgot to press the ding dong bell when he wanted to get off his stop, delete important emails by mistake, all that in just half a semester...
Kindaichi comes back to life, albeit blackened...
Karasu: You got lucky... Chun saved your puny life.
Chun: [singing to the tune of "I Quit"] I Quit! I Quit! Coz writing fics is a job I don't need, ain't gonna write a word no more.....
Kuronue: Sorry to interupt....but do I still get my money?...please...I have an 90 year old grandmother, and 10 kids to support...
Chun: Don't bullshit... I read your profile...
Kuronue: Crap... I'll sue you for invasion of privacy...
Akechi: If you guys don't mind, please get on with the bloody fan fic and stop abusing each other you bakas...We don't appear in your fan fics just to look like fools ok...now Rurouni and Chun, get behind your computer screens and shut up!
Chun: [to Rurouni] You should have killed Akechi instead of Kindaichi.
Rurouni: You've got a point....hmmm....maybe next time
Rurouni: Because the sky so high...If I go on killing anymore people now, this fanfic will be rated R(A) due to excess violence and the poor young readers will have nothing to read and...
Chun: I get your point. Shut up.
Karasu: I think they forgot about us again.
Kuronue: My sentiments exactly.
Kindaichi: [still not recovered from shock] Huh?
Akechi: Never mind, let's get on with the case. Rurouni, so you said Ryutai ate some poison fruits and died?
Akechi: [pulls her hair and shakes her and screams into her ear] RUROUNI!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Chun: You've got yourself an extra reason to kill him now...he pulled your hair...
Rurouni: He told me to shut up what...that's why I'm not making a sound... Anyway, Akechi's going to die...
Akechi: OK, WHATEVER, NOW JUST TELL ME HOW ON EARTH DID RYUTAI DIE?
Rurouni: Plant poisoning. I think he has eaten a "Geraldine Fruit"
Kindaichi: Huh? what the hell is that?
Rurouni: As the name suggest, the fruit is extremely poisonous and once eaten, face will turn black and head will be twisted and breathing will stop. This kind of fruit can only be found in the Tampines area in Singapore.
Kindaichi: Hmmmm...Singapore....Kenmochi is in Singapore isn't he?
Kindaichi: Maybe he can help...
Rurouni: By the way, we found this under his body.
Rurouni hands a rose to Akechi.
Akechi: rose again...
Karasu: Can we leave now? The publishers want me to go for a photoshoot for the upcoming issue of my comic...
Kindaichi: But you're dead.
Karasu: Ever heard of a 'come back', dodo!
Kuronue: Can I have my money???
Chun: You guys may go but no money. I'll get my floor manager to call you guys again when I need you.
Kuronue: I thought you were the floor manager? Weren't you the one who got Spiderman and all his webbing off the floor?
Karasu: Yah, I guess he got sacked.
Kuronue: Just watch out, one of these days I'll kill you...
Chun: Go ahead and try...you're just a bloody comic character...I can kill you first for I care...
Chun kills Kuronue.
Rurouni: CHUN!!!! WHAT ARE YOU DOING??? Don't be stuuuupid, you can't kill Kuronue, he's already dead!
Kuronue: Some people just don't know when to give up. I'll take a raincheck on that.
Akechi: C'mon, Kindaichi, let's ignore them, we have more important things to do.
Meanwhile, Yomi and Shura are walking on the street as they pass by a public toilet.
Shura: Papa!!! I want to pee!!!
Yomi: Go go go...troublesome...
Shura runs off to the toilet.
Meanwhile, out of nowhere, a lone lone figure with a whip appears behind Yomi and raises the whip high high up and... Yomi starts dancing... Shura comes out from the toilet and...
Shura: Teddy bear, teddy bear turn around... teddy bear teddy bear touch the ground... You silly fool!!! My Papa's the best at Zero-point! Nobody can beat him! And nobody can sneak up on him 'cos he has super-sensitive hearing!
Yomi sends out a youki blast that in turn sends the whip-owner flying sky-high.
Shura: Was that...
Yomi: Yah... that's my old partner. I thought he'd be smarter than to
try that with me... ah well, I guess not all people change for the better.
Kindaichi: So far, we've established that the Karasu and Kuronue are not the killers 'cos they were stuck in the Reikai?
Akechi: Hmm... so we're left with Yomi and Gaoyuan?
Kindaichi: Unless the killer is someone else altogether... someone whose signature is a crushed rose under dead bodies?
Chun: [barges in on the scene, toppling flats and smashing lights] Oops! Ah well, the producer will handle all that! Folks! Need to inform you of a new murder...
Producer: WAH!!!!!! Chun! What happened? Why all the extensive damage to the sets? Do you think I print money?
Chun: I don't care! I'm multi-tasking and heavily underpaid and now you ask me to play the role of a puny nameless police officer?
Rurouni: [walking in] I feel like Watari from Yami no Matsuei.... ok... autopsy done, the deceased is Kuwabara Kazuma, the loudmouth you 2 spoke to. Cause of death: Excessive blood loss from a wound made by a sharp object, possibly a knife.
Producer: Just say "knife wound"! Don't waste so much production time. You know what they say, time is money.
Rurouni: It sounded more professional that way! Besides, you're the one wasting time now... Stop cramping my style.
Akechi: You have any style?
Rurouni: You're going to die next...
Akechi: Chalk one more on the suspect list.
Kindaichi: I know who the killer is!
Akechi: Like real you do! Stop bluffing!
Kindaichi: Just shut up and listen to my explanation! We have 5 suspects so far... Suspect no.1, Yomi. But he's too busy babysitting to do that, so that strikes him out... Suspect no. 2, Shura But he's too busy being babysitted to do anything naughty.
Akechi: What kind of dumb reasoning is that? No proof!
Kindaichi: The producer made me say that 'cos he wanted to end the parody fast... Suspect no. 3, Gaoyuan... I can't think of any reason why he's not the murderer but he's not, so Chun will come up with an explanation. [Chun to insert explanation here]
Kindaichi: Suspect no. 4 is the unseen and untalked of suspect so far! That's our man!
Akechi: I thought we have 5? I think this parody's really getting to him... he's losing his mind...
Kindaichi: And suspect no. 5 is none other than the Producer! That's our man too!
Akechi: [splutters] ...........
Kindaichi: Just think about it, our producer is running low on cash... by killing off the cast, he don't have to pay them...
Akechi: That's the dumbest thing I've ever...
Producer: OHOHOHOHOHOHOHOOOOOOOOO!!!!! [Naga's laugh] Very clever! How ever did you guess?
Kindaichi: Lucky guess...
Akechi: What kind of answer is that? "How ever did you guess?" "Lucky guess..." Answering like somebody I know...
Producer throws off his disguise to reveal......................... YOUKO KURAMA!!!!!!!!!!
Akechi: What the *beep* is he doing here? Wasn't he the first to get killed?
Kurama: Don't be silly! Only my human form got killed. I'm back now as a youkai... better looking than before and N times stronger... Left so many clues for you and you still couldn't figure out...
Kindaichi: Ah... the rose...
Kurama: Yup. I was getting sick of killing people...
Kindaichi: Then why did you kill them in the first place?
Akechi: Did you stage your own death?
Kurama: No baka, didn't you hear me the first time round, my human body was killed.
Kindaichi: Ok, so why did you kill?
Kurama: Well, I won't have been able to kill so many bakas if the 2 of you were working harder. Ryutai got a pic of me being blown up to bits. And I don't want that pic to be circulated... I'll never find a job again if that happens.
Akechi: Why Kuwabara? Thought he was your friend?
Kurama: Dunno, I didn't touch him...
Kindaichi: That would be our suspect no. 4...
Kurama: Hey! Come on out, Hiei!
Hiei: Hn. Bakas. Stupid fox.
Kindaichi: Care to explain why you killed?
Hiei: Hn... I only killed 2 bakas in this parody... Kurama and Kuwabara...
Hiei: Don't like them.
Hiei: Felt like it.
Hiei: Grr... you're irritating! I'll kill you later... pest... All the fans out there keep writing yaoi stories about me and Kurama! I can't stand it anymore! Got to get rid of the stupid red-head before I go crazy!
Kindaichi: And what about Kuwabara?
Hiei: He called me a "shrimp". And he made eyes at my sis.
Hiei kills Akechi.
Six months later…
Shura: Why six months later?
Rurouni: 'Cos my co-writer was too lazy to write the next part of the fic. I’ve been waiting for six months. Ok, why don’t you end the fic, Shura?
Shura: Really? I get to end the fic? Ok. Here goes. Hiei and Kurama were sentenced to a lifetime of working with bakas and dweebs in the Reikai Tantei. Everyone murdered in this fic got processed by Koenma and reincarnated in various other fanfics and all the unpaid remained so as the producer was charged with a criminal offence. Since the producer was charged, the fanfic met with an untimely death. And Spiderman is starting in 5 minutes so I need to go and prepare my tape. Adios.